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Question
Posted by: dilemma | 2011-11-19

nothing is going right in my life

met a selfish man who betrayed me, lied to me, got me pregnant and left me to deal with it on my own.. he told me he was separated with his wife although they were still living under the same roof when we met.. he told me he was going to get a divorce and made future plans with me.. I lost control of my emotions after feeling like I was stupid enough to fall for a married man and now I hate him. I want nothing to do with him and I dont want him to be part of my child''s life. I made peace with reality and i am slowly picking up the pieces for the sake of the baby. But it gets difficult everyday cos things aren''t going right for me at work and my finances are a mess. I have lost every little bit of will power to stay strong for my baby cos things are falling apart.. I am falling apart!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It really is possible to avoid allowing anyone to make you pregnant before you have learned enough about him to be reasonable sure he is not an abuser or otherunpleasant variety of human. When someone merely says he's separated ( which might merely mean she's away for the weekend ) check it out before choosing to0 believe him. Dont believe sotries about plans for a divorce, but wait until the divorce has been officially announced in court. DO go to the maintenance court and have the court force him to pay proper maintenance for the child's costs ; that is quite separate from the issue of whether he should have any access to the child. Having to pay maintenance will not only directly benefit the child ( and indirectly you ) but may help force him to face his responsibilities.
See a counsellor if possible, to help support you and help you make wiser decisions on how to get out of this mess, which need only be temporary.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: dilemma | 2011-11-21

thank you all for your responses. I take full responsibility for my actions. In the beginning I hated myself for bringing a child into this world under these circumstance, it is my first and never have i imagined going through something like this, so I am partly to blame for being naive. I will surely seek professional help as i dont see how i can get past the anger and feeling of deceit and betrayal. It just wouldn''t be fair to raise the baby with such strong feelings of hatred for his father..

Reply to dilemma
Posted by: Pale | 2011-11-21

I feel for you, shame man....
We often don''t think things through when they happen, we choose to enjoy life moment by moment. I am sorry you had to meet such a person in life and I am more sorry for his wife who might still think that he will change.

Reply to Pale
Posted by: Pale | 2011-11-21

I feel for you, shame man....
We often don''t think things through when they happen, we choose to enjoy life moment by moment. I am sorry you had to meet such a person in life and I am more sorry for his wife who might still think that he will change.

Reply to Pale
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-11-20

It really is possible to avoid allowing anyone to make you pregnant before you have learned enough about him to be reasonable sure he is not an abuser or otherunpleasant variety of human. When someone merely says he's separated ( which might merely mean she's away for the weekend ) check it out before choosing to0 believe him. Dont believe sotries about plans for a divorce, but wait until the divorce has been officially announced in court. DO go to the maintenance court and have the court force him to pay proper maintenance for the child's costs ; that is quite separate from the issue of whether he should have any access to the child. Having to pay maintenance will not only directly benefit the child ( and indirectly you ) but may help force him to face his responsibilities.
See a counsellor if possible, to help support you and help you make wiser decisions on how to get out of this mess, which need only be temporary.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: dilemma | 2011-11-19

thank you Maria:).. i have thought about maintenance court countless times, to a point where i felt he is just a sorry excuse for a human being and that someday he will pay, God will deal with him..but you are right, i might have to take him to court to " force"  financial responsibility upon him...as it is i am not entitled to any maternity benefits and will be forced to go back to work probably soon after giving birth!!

Reply to dilemma
Posted by: Maria | 2011-11-19

Having to cope with a baby on your own under these circumstances must be really hard. I respect your wish to raise your child without this man, but you must consider very carefully if it might not be worth taking him to maintenance court and making him take responsibility, at least financially, for the child he helped to create. That will make life easier for you, and give your baby more opportunities.

(((HUGS)))

Reply to Maria

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