Posted by: confussed | 2009-06-24

not sure where to from here....

Hi CS,
...long we go: My b/f &  I were together 8 yrs i have been faithful to him the entire duration of our relationship, never doing or acting out or even thinking of anyone else as I really do love him the story goes....had a house party with my g/friends 1 night (5mths ago) and it got out of hand(i couldn' t handle my drinking and in the spur of things - was dared to give some random guy a hand job - no intercourse wotsoever....) i had felt so guilty about this that I told my b/friend the next day...he said to me he will forgive me but he can' t forget...a sexual favour crosses a line - he has moved out - what cand or do i do to fix this.....i thought being honest is the best policy - would not be able to live with the lie.... he still talks to me - but I don' t know how to bring up the converstaion of our relationship - I want him back in my life...i have stopped my drinking been 5 mths now...please advise...don' t want to lose the only man I love

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

We;;, the first thing to learn is to be very cautious about ever again drinking so much. Nowadays, I seem to come across more young women who go out and get hopelessly drunk, than young men, who used to be the only one;s who did anything so silly. And I don't think even most young men when drunk dare each other to give hand-jobs. Its hardll surprising this has upset your bf --- as you'd have been upset had he done something analogous. So you are wise indd to have given up drinking. WOuld he perhaps accept the suggestion that the pair of youhave some sessions of couples counselling ? And tell him what you have said here, especially the last line of your message

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-06-25

Thats the problem when we screw up, even for 3 secs, it can affect the rest of our lives. BUT try and learn from this experience and dont do it again, you sound young so there is time for you.

Personally I would never have told my partner what i did.

In your mind you have rationalised it out as meaningless and something you would never do again, thats fine, so leave it there and dont bring it up again. We all do make mistakes, things that we really feel deep remorse for, its human. Make your peace with that.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: confussed | 2009-06-25

This goes out to Ja, thank you for the advise and the words of encouragement. I will sit him down and have him listen to what I have to say &  most importantly how I feel.

Anonymous: Thank you too for your advise...I must admit that I don' t agree with you on the following: wanting to jerk the guy off...I don' t think so (cried myself to sleep - couldn t believe what I had done, if you don' t feel remorse then fine...but it has been killing me the last 5mths) &  hooking up with the guy also not, think the guy should' ve had respect for me &  given me coffee or something instead of taking advantage of the situation. I had honesty in my relationship &  yes I do love my b/f and I feel that telling him was the most important thing I had to do....I screwed up for the first time in my life and this for 3 secs of my life that I can never get back....

Reply to confussed
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-06-25

Im afraid that you screwed up big time here. I would chase you away like a stray dog if you did that to me...and then you still have the balls to say that you love him. Weird!!

Im sorry but there is no love there at all. Think about how much you loved him while you jerked the other guy off?? Yes, that was real love you had for your bf.

No one is ever that drunk that they do things like this without WANTING to do it. Just admit to youself that you wanted to jerk this guy off and get it off your chest. Your relationship with you BF is over for good...he will NEVER trust you again.

Try this, tell him that you are going to another house party with your GF and see what his reaction will be...that will tell you exactly whats going on in his mind.

Stay away from booze cause you cant handle it and you make bad decisions.

Ztime to face the consequences now...maybe you can hook up with the guy you jerked off, you obviously like him.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Ja | 2009-06-25

How would you feel if your BF told you he did the same to a girl, but didnt finish it off?
You sort-of did it, but didn' t do it?
Sort of like when you do it but dont kiss? Nah, you messed up.
You do seem like a GF i wouldn' e want to lose though and if you still feel this way about him 5 months later with nothing happening inbetween? - id give you a second chance if you taled to me.

Reply to Ja
Posted by: confussed | 2009-06-24

No I haven' t had the chance to tell him it was a dare...he was furious and moved out, I realise it' s his trust that I have lost - need to make him understand just don' t know how to go about it. Like I' ve said we still see each other (live in a very small town) so he would come visit but there is no physical contact whatsoever - how do I get him back???

Reply to confussed
Posted by: Well | 2009-06-24

that changes everything, then it isnt even a real handjob is it?

is your bf aware that it was a dare etc etc or did you tell him you wacked some strange guy off?

Reply to Well
Posted by: confussed | 2009-06-24

i need to was done as a dare and lasted not even 3 secs....i agree being drunk is no excuse, but it had happend

Reply to confussed
Posted by: well | 2009-06-24

you should have thought about that b4 you wacked some stranger off..being drunk is not a good enough excuse

Reply to well

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