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Question
Posted by: koko | 2009/11/05

not sure what s goin on

i am 37 yrs old and for the past 2 yrs of been off pill have become very in tune with my sexuality, i was rather highly sexed in my 20' s but then for about 10 yrs while meeting my husband and having 2 kids everything died, i also attribute to the pill that caused the decline. Problem now is my husband not keen, he is stressed by work and seems to have ED problems too. I now crave attention and sex. I recently met someone who is interested in fulfilling all these needs and not letting things come out in the open. I am scared and excited re a new experience. While i will definetely use protection when the time comes what else should i look out for so as not to pick up anything fo rjust in case he is not as clean as i think he is. If i give him a blow job what STD' s can i pick up or look out for? i want to be very careful and SAFE about this. I also feel that this expereince will enhance my interest for my husband and maybe it will allow me to be so HOT for him that i will win him back without him nowing how it happened.

Just bein honest

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageAgeing and Sexuality expert

i am somewhat distressed at the judgemental manner in which this forum is going. I expect freedom of expression here, but encourage tolerance, understanding rather than outright rudeness and insult. One never knows the full story and even then our role should be to offer an opinion but not in a way that slanders someone as in calling her "slutty". That's nasty and cheap- what has sex work got to do with a woman who clearly is in a terrible dilemma. If you read her question it is not about the "right of wrong" of her decision to cheat- she has made that decision for herself. Her question relates to sexual health - the safety of cheating.
Having more than one partner always carries a health risk so condoms are essential at all times- even if he looks clean. To be extra safe insist on condoms with oral sex as if he is infected and you have a cut or sore in your mouth then there is a chance of infection transmission.I also suggest you both know your status or go for VCT (Voluntary Counselling and Testing) One cannot deny the need to consider the emotional toll this amy take on you- holding a secret becomes a very heavy burden in a relationship.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: koko | 2009/11/12

u missed the point AGAIN Anon, your definition of maturity is sluttiness, mine is not, not when it is a fulfillment of natural human needs by someone i happen to know for YEARS by the way. Sluttiness in my books is sleeping with the one above who gave me an offer or strangers or just lots of men after the other or all at once. U see you dont know the whole story but you are judging!!! sad, you see you the one worse off, but dont worry your day will come where you will also have a life changing experience (believe me you dont know what hell i have been thru in my life that has put me at this mature point in stage) then maybe you will understand. WHo says we did not try the counselling, who says i want to leave him, and who says you cannot love TWO people at once. This whole experience by the way has been nothing but GOOD for me and guess what i have not even cheated, maybe i never will but the relationship up to now has done GOOD for me! that is what we all want in life is the good and not the bad, then you come along... Life is just that way, you never know what tomorrow holds and when there is enormous attraction between two individuals even when there has been no physical contact, you can only think that it was meant to be/happen or that for sum good lession you were meant to meet each other AGAIn after years.

Reply to koko
Posted by: Anon | 2009/11/12

Oh now I get it, Maturity = Sluttyness

How could I have been so daft?!

That' s why so many young kids are sleeping around so much these days, they' re just maturing - no need for parents to worry.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon | 2009/11/12

Okay... so your husband is MATURE enough to understand that his wife is sleeping around. If u are not happy in your marriage maybe u should try counselling or move on. You need to sort out your problems at home.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Ageing and Sexuality expert | 2009/11/12

i am somewhat distressed at the judgemental manner in which this forum is going. I expect freedom of expression here, but encourage tolerance, understanding rather than outright rudeness and insult. One never knows the full story and even then our role should be to offer an opinion but not in a way that slanders someone as in calling her "slutty". That's nasty and cheap- what has sex work got to do with a woman who clearly is in a terrible dilemma. If you read her question it is not about the "right of wrong" of her decision to cheat- she has made that decision for herself. Her question relates to sexual health - the safety of cheating.
Having more than one partner always carries a health risk so condoms are essential at all times- even if he looks clean. To be extra safe insist on condoms with oral sex as if he is infected and you have a cut or sore in your mouth then there is a chance of infection transmission.I also suggest you both know your status or go for VCT (Voluntary Counselling and Testing) One cannot deny the need to consider the emotional toll this amy take on you- holding a secret becomes a very heavy burden in a relationship.

Reply to Ageing and Sexuality expert
Posted by: Ageing and Sexuality expert | 2009/11/12

i am somewhat distressed at the judgemental manner in which this forum is going. I expect freedom of expression here, but encourage tolerance, understanding rather than outright rudeness and insult. One never knows the full story and even then our role should be to offer an opinion but not in a way that slanders someone as in calling her "slutty". That's nasty and cheap- what has sex work got to do with a woman who clearly is in a terrible dilemma. If you read her question it is not about the "right of wrong" of her decision to cheat- she has made that decision for herself. Her question relates to sexual health - the safety of cheating.
Having more than one partner always carries a health risk so condoms are essential at all times- even if he looks clean. To be extra safe insist on condoms with oral sex as if he is infected and you have a cut or sore in your mouth then there is a chance of infection transmission.I also suggest you both know your status or go for VCT (Voluntary Counselling and Testing) One cannot deny the need to consider the emotional toll this amy take on you- holding a secret becomes a very heavy burden in a relationship.

Reply to Ageing and Sexuality expert
Posted by: Ageing and Sexuality expert | 2009/11/12

i am somewhat distressed at the judgemental manner in which this forum is going. I expect freedom of expression here, but encourage tolerance, understanding rather than outright rudeness and insult. One never knows the full story and even then our role should be to offer an opinion but not in a way that slanders someone as in calling her "slutty". That's nasty and cheap- what has sex work got to do with a woman who clearly is in a terrible dilemma. If you read her question it is not about the "right of wrong" of her decision to cheat- she has made that decision for herself. Her question relates to sexual health - the safety of cheating.
Having more than one partner always carries a health risk so condoms are essential at all times- even if he looks clean. To be extra safe insist on condoms with oral sex as if he is infected and you have a cut or sore in your mouth then there is a chance of infection transmission.I also suggest you both know your status or go for VCT (Voluntary Counselling and Testing) One cannot deny the need to consider the emotional toll this amy take on you- holding a secret becomes a very heavy burden in a relationship.

Reply to Ageing and Sexuality expert
Posted by: Ageing and Sexuality expert | 2009/11/12

i am somewhat distressed at the judgemental manner in which this forum is going. I expect freedom of expression here, but encourage tolerance, understanding rather than outright rudeness and insult. One never knows the full story and even then our role should be to offer an opinion but not in a way that slanders someone as in calling her "slutty". That's nasty and cheap- what has sex work got to do with a woman who clearly is in a terrible dilemma. If you read her question it is not about the "right of wrong" of her decision to cheat- she has made that decision for herself. Her question relates to sexual health - the safety of cheating.
Having more than one partner always carries a health risk so condoms are essential at all times- even if he looks clean. To be extra safe insist on condoms with oral sex as if he is infected and you have a cut or sore in your mouth then there is a chance of infection transmission.I also suggest you both know your status or go for VCT (Voluntary Counselling and Testing) One cannot deny the need to consider the emotional toll this amy take on you- holding a secret becomes a very heavy burden in a relationship.

Reply to Ageing and Sexuality expert
Posted by: koko | 2009/11/11

dnt worry i would of had the same reaction as yourself about 3 months ago, but you see you should never point fingers as one day they might all point back at you, in life and on the journey of life you can never say NEVER. After going through a lot of trauma and diffuclut decisions sum things DO happen for a reason AND you then find yourself thinking or doing things you would never of thought possible or things you frowned upon that others did.. Its a case of never say it wont happen to you. I disagree with above OFFER! as i am not out to sleep with strangers my dear. There is a diff when you have met someone you know who is willing to fulfill your needs, its called maturity and nobody is going to get hurt in the process! Maturity! and oh no maybe you sit in church with bad thoughts that is how you know...? dont be judgmental until you know the whole picture and have experienced a life changing mature moment. ALL women need and want attention and love from their partner if it that not happening it probably means he is giving the attention to another women anyway! if not well he still will benefit he wont get hurt. Life is too short for narrow mindedness man.

Reply to koko
Posted by: Anon | 2009/11/11

Sis. You should both be ashamed. And the two of you prob sit in church every Sunday too!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: MrD | 2009/11/10

Hi Koko,

I am experiening the same thing. I am a 38 year old male with the same problem for the past 3 years. My wife is an Financial Anylist and as she is busy 24/7 and dont have time for sex and being normal. I am craving for this to the bottem of my toes, but no luck. I almost had something with a lovely lady at work, but i thought let me try again with my wife, and guess what? no flippen luck. As we 2 are sharing the same thing, maybe we should help each other to resolve this burden we have. What do you think.?

Reply to MrD

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