Posted by: Confused | 2009-02-02

Not sure about him

I need some advice here,My bf &  i are together for a year now but we have been good friends for about 5years before we became a couple. We both dated other people before us.The problem is that there was this 1 girl who he loved alot &  she loved him alot too but her parents chose some1 else for her &  at the age of 22 she couldn' t stand by my bf so she' s with that other guy she doesn' t love. A similar situation happened with us &  i stood my ground b,coz i love him &  i knew what she did hurt him &  i said i would never do that to him b.coz we have real love that' s strong. He loves me more than anything in the world &  he always puts me 1st i will never deny that but when we fight he tells me he thinks about her &  how she would have never fought with him &  he wish he could have been with her b.coz she would have treated him right but i keep telling him to see how she pushed him away &  i lost my family b.coz of how much i love him &  stood by him but he doesn' t seem to see that so now im making peace with my family coz im not sure about him. I never thought i would think this. Saturday we had a fight &  somehow i tried to tell him that that girl don' t know whats love b.coz she wouldn' t have did that to him, ya if she was 12 u can understand but when i said that she didn' t love him, he lashed out on me &  started screaming &  saying that she did love him &  i was shocked b.coz if she did or didn' t he shouldn' t be acting like that if his happy with me. He never backed down, he yelled until he proved that she loved him, when i asked him y he acted like that he said he didn' t wanna look stupid in my eyes &  didn' t want me to think he was after a girl that didn' t want him but i told him i know she was the stupid for pushing him away but i don' t know y he keeps jumping to her defense, i feel like a part of him will always love her but he says that' s not true but i find it hard to believe. Please help me b.coz i don' t know how to take this. i just wanna know y would he defend her love for him like that.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The other girl made a choice, no doubt a dificult one, and must stand by it and soprt out her own problems, ratgher than expecting them man she left, to now help her because she doesn't love this other guy. He needs to avoid those nasty little comments during arguments --- the marvellous woman who would never argue with him does not exist, and probably never did ; the contrast he is making is phoney. Persuade him to join you ins eeing a relationship counsellor, eg through FAMSA.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Phew !! | 2009-02-02

Oh my that all sounds very complicated for sure. In short I would say that he is being horribly unfair and spiteful to throw her in your face each time you argue. That does not translate into love in my book. I think he is still hurt about being dumped and now takes it out on you. If he cannot accept the fact that she DID dump him, he will never get over it. Tell him to stop being a baby get over it and stop mentioning her to you. You have to be firm and lay down the law. He will only treat you as you allow him to treat you and that sort of behaviour is disrespectful to you and totally unacceptable. Don' t let him treat you like a doormat. Good luck babe.

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