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Question
Posted by: Lili | 2010/03/30

Not sexually attracted to husband anymore

My husband and I have been through a lot in our marriage and now I don''t love him s much as I used to and its killing me. We have 2 kids who adore and love their father very much. Lately its been very difficult to have sex with him. Only once do I want to have sex and I have it with him because he''s available. Theres no cnnection when we do have sex it''s like people just having sex, theres nothing there. We have lost theat spark.
My problem is he treated me so badover the years treating me like a thing that he needs to get rid off. I cann''t tell you how many times he told me he wants a divorce, everytime we had a disagreement. He hd an affair that hurt me very much and one day he came home with the HIV virus that he claims he doesn''t know why, how , when he got it. Ofcourse I wasn''t an angel when all this happened. And I''m just tired of dealing with our issues. We are currently seeing a counselor and really I''m not hopeful anymore.
I don''t know how to communicae to him that I just don''t want to have sex most times, he doesn''t seem to take it well because even when we had problems in the past we always connected sexually. But now all that is gone atleast for me. How do I tell him please advise.
Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Have you become less loving ? OR has he become less loveable ? Are you talking about a loss of libido on your side, in general or specifically with regard to him ? But you say he treated you badly over the years, apparently especiall with regard o sex, so a loss of pleasure in the prospect of sex with him is hardly surprising.
Now, he can't pretend he has no idea how he got HIV ( unless he was promiscuous with so many people he can't guess which one gave it to him ). And if he became HIV positive, it's understandable you would have concerns about not wanting the virus yourself.
Yet you say you are currently seeing a counsellor, so surely that counsellor ought to be able to help you to communicate better about this or anything else. You really need to discuss these issues with your counsellor, and if he'she is really unable to help, then find a better counsellor.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/30

Have you become less loving ? OR has he become less loveable ? Are you talking about a loss of libido on your side, in general or specifically with regard to him ? But you say he treated you badly over the years, apparently especiall with regard o sex, so a loss of pleasure in the prospect of sex with him is hardly surprising.
Now, he can't pretend he has no idea how he got HIV ( unless he was promiscuous with so many people he can't guess which one gave it to him ). And if he became HIV positive, it's understandable you would have concerns about not wanting the virus yourself.
Yet you say you are currently seeing a counsellor, so surely that counsellor ought to be able to help you to communicate better about this or anything else. You really need to discuss these issues with your counsellor, and if he'she is really unable to help, then find a better counsellor.

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