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Question
Posted by: dd | 2011/05/03

not part of the family

What must you do if u don''t feel part of the family.... My husband opened up his heart over the weekend and said that he doesn''t feel part of his family.. his parents seem to just invite us to something because they feel obliged to do so... they don''t come and visit us unless we invite them... Sunday they invited us for lunch since the other kids was there with their family. we showed up... mother in law went and sat and talked to the other daughter in laww...just greeted us and dissapeared.we were left outside with the father in law who was bussy reading his news paper... to top off things she announced that she is making waffels for deasert...so okay..nothing said..she goes and makes coffee after lunch..comes and give just the 2 of us each a slice of cake and says u can go home now and take a nap. so we left.why wasn''t we invited for waffels..? why bother inviting us if u don''t want us there?we got home and her son asked if his mother doesn''t think highly of him anymore..because he doesn''t feel part of the family anymore.. .now what must I say..it feels latley as if they are pushing us out..the other daughter in law is everything to them latley..they only care about her and the grand children....I have decided to stay away and carry on on our own....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

its hard to say, from the details provided. Maybe this is how his family typically behaves, even with the others in the wider family. Or is this very sp[ecifically how they react to you, and quite unlike how they react to others ?
Is this how your husband has always felt, when with his family, or is it something new ?
Seriouly, discuss this betwen you, so you share an understanding and share your aims ; and then try to discuss it with his parents, not as accusations, but as descriptions - explaining that some aspects of how things go when you visit them are puzling to you, and make you feel much less welcome and less wanted than the other son and daughter-in-law, and you'd like to understand this better

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/03

its hard to say, from the details provided. Maybe this is how his family typically behaves, even with the others in the wider family. Or is this very sp[ecifically how they react to you, and quite unlike how they react to others ?
Is this how your husband has always felt, when with his family, or is it something new ?
Seriouly, discuss this betwen you, so you share an understanding and share your aims ; and then try to discuss it with his parents, not as accusations, but as descriptions - explaining that some aspects of how things go when you visit them are puzling to you, and make you feel much less welcome and less wanted than the other son and daughter-in-law, and you'd like to understand this better

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