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Question
Posted by: mimi | 2010/05/17

not my fault

Hi doc , Ive been married to a binge drinker for 12 years now , he binges every weekend and sometimes once a week , the passion in my marraige is almost non excisting becuase when my hb is drunk he realy (for me) is unatractive and spineless , all his friends thinks he is a great guy but not me , he thinks that the intimacy problem in our marraige is my fault and that I have a low libido ect , to be honest , I use to think that the problem was with me because I was the one not wanting to be close with him , but I have now come to understand it is not me , its becuase he realy realy turns me off when he is drunk , I cant seem to get this out of my head and therfore dont want to be intimate with him , how do I comunitcate this to him ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Drunks are never ever as attractive as they may think they are. The propblem is not in you, but just as alcoholics ( and binge-drinking is part of alcoholism ) rarely want to accept the extent to which they are responsible for their own problems, and for the problems they cause to others.
I can't think of any easy advice as to how to convey this to him as he is apparently denying the reality of his illness and the trouble it causes, and will not want to hear it.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/17

Drunks are never ever as attractive as they may think they are. The propblem is not in you, but just as alcoholics ( and binge-drinking is part of alcoholism ) rarely want to accept the extent to which they are responsible for their own problems, and for the problems they cause to others.
I can't think of any easy advice as to how to convey this to him as he is apparently denying the reality of his illness and the trouble it causes, and will not want to hear it.

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