Posted by: Ashamed | 2012-02-07

not enjoying my daughter

Hi Doc,

Please help, im totally drained out. My 2yr old daughter is really stressinf me out shes one of those kids who just cries and cries and i cant take it anymore. Although i love her im nt ebjoying her. Sometimez i ask God what have i done to deserve this. As im writing this im in tears because shes been crying almost for 4hrs, nt because shes sick but because sge thinks crying will get her watever that she wants.

I know some will say how can i be ruled by a 2yr old, im her mother i should take charge. But let me tell you its emotionally and physically draining to deal with a screeming toddler. And the problem is i cant talk to my family about this because i feel shes my daufhter and if i cant handle her then who will.

Am i being an uncaring parent for feeling this way or what? Ps im a single parent,divorced when she was a yr old..

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Our expert says:
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Dont feel ashamed for being nomal. Raising a child is much harder than mos people expect, and doing so as a single parent is harder still. And there could be a vicious cycle at work too, as the child gets more upse by sensing how upset you are about her being upset !
If you were NOT feling drained by these challenges, THAT might suggest an uncaring mother.
As Maria implies, try to be just an ordinary Superwoman, and don't try to do it all on your own --- share the care with family, friends, hired caegiver, creche, whatever is possible. And the aher sould be paying enough maintenance to let you afford to do that ( or go to maintenance court to ensure that he does ). Distraction is worth trying, and trying not to giv her whatever she is emanding at the time. I think sometimes he child forgets what the original demand was, only remembering that she wants someting or oher, and the crying becomes self-perpetuated until distraction or exhaustion intervenes

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Our users say:
Posted by: Also Single mom | 2012-02-10

my daughter is 21 months now and there are times that i feel i wish i could run away...i saw this saying a while ago " our babies run after us for attention and then they grow up and we run after them begging for attention..."  well something like that but it makes sense, i get home and have to deal with the house work, cooking, cleaning changing dirty nappies etc etc...when all i want is 5 mins to totally relax! i have decided that you cant turn back those couple of hours of wanting to be left alone and the floor does not need to be washed again and dishes can be done later - i would much rather help my daughter make the mess and wait until when she is sleeping to carry on with the daughter used to do the exact same thing, scream until i looked at her, all she wanted was for me to acknowledge that she was there, she also senses my mood and the moment i am agro even with her father she plays up, i now leave work exactly where it should be and focus on her! she has changed so much and yes it has gotten so much easier as she is geting older...hang in there, dont be scared to ask for help from any one - it does not make you less of a person or mother for asking for help! you simply cannot do it on your own! Well done for getting this far :)

Reply to Also Single mom
Posted by: Queen | 2012-02-09

I agree with Maria, children sometimes do crave that special attention from us. Unfortunately due to our hectic lifestyles, we often overlook their needs. Sometimes when I come from work all I wish for is be left alone. Of course that will remain my wish until they go to varsity he he he!

My girl is 5yrs old but she still becomes clingy sometimes (every day). So I decided to allocate a few minutes after work just for her and no one else. She gets to tell me who did what at school. And she gets to sit on my lap like a baby. After that session I noticed that she becomes a big girl again.

Reply to Queen
Posted by: Totally honest | 2012-02-08

Do not worry l did not enjoy or like my kids untill they became civilized. They were just damn hard work and miserable toddlers!
They are now super high achieving adults and responsible members of society.

Reply to Totally honest
Posted by: Maria | 2012-02-08

((HUGS)) and hang in there, things do get better as they get older. Have you tried giving her something to eat as soon as you pick her up, maybe she is hungry and miserable as a result? Also try and plan things in such a way that you can give her a bit of undivided attention when you get home. I know that is hard, because you have to make supper and sort stuff out, but perhaps that is what she is crying out for.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Ashamed | 2012-02-08

Thank you Maria.
She is not easilly distracted , she stay focussed on that one she wants untill i give in but now i just let her cry untill she cools down and that really makes me feel bad. Unfortunately her dad is not involved at all and the only family member i can rely on is my mother.

she is going to creche now and i think her screams are worse than before. everyday after picking her up from creche she always finds a reason to scream her lungs out.But during the day apparently she is fine, she plays with other kids.

I just cant wait for her to grow up, im exhausted - sometimes i dont look forward to picking her up from school.

Reply to Ashamed
Posted by: Maria | 2012-02-08

Parenting a 2 year old is very hard work and it is entirely normal to love her but sometimes not like her very much. Why are you trying to do this alone? Ask for help, from family or friends or anybody who might be available! There is no rule that says just because you are a parent you must now magically know how to handle every problem with your child, and have perfect control all of the time. Nobody can pull that off, so don''t be too hard on yourself. Where is her father, is he involved at all?

You say she screams because she thinks that will get her what she wants. Does it work for her? How do you typically react? Can you distract her by starting some other activity or giving her something different to play with or does she stay focussed on the one thing she wants?

Reply to Maria

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