Posted by: Lee | 2013-02-12

Not coping with infidelities from 5 years ago.

my husband and I lived pretty separate lives for a lot of our marriage. we have been married for 13 years but only living together permanently for 5 years now. He worked away from home and i was pretty much overwhelmed by having 3 kids born in 4 years, He was unfaithful for most of the years we lived apart ( but saw each other as still being married). i think i realized it but just ignored it or didn''t even deal with those emotions. in the last 5 years we have moved to a new country and have been really working on our relationship. he says he has been faithful all this time and i sort of believe him. i know he is really making an effort to make me happy. but once in a while i totally feel like i am losing my mind. i accuse him of all sorts of things, cry for days and all this is doing is driving us apart when all i want is for us to be closer. he is trying to be sympathetic but it is frustrating him as he feels what happened is in the past and right now he is trying to do the right thing.

what i want to know is how do i deal with the past, get these crazy thoughts out of my mind and try live in the moment. i am sad about the past and afraid that it happens again in the future.
are anti depressants the answer? I feel as if we have discussed this until we have been blue in the face and i do believe him but my insecurities and lack of trust are driving me crazy. one day i am fine and happy the next crying and just feeling as if i cant cope at all. with no provocation from at all.

i live in Sudan so Seeing someone is really not an option. i need some self help ideas


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, I must admit that Sudan is far from an ideal place in which to get good psychological care.
It does soun as though you are having an unusually difficult time in coming to terms with what hapened in the past, n ways that are not at all beneficial to you. There sounds like an obsessive component to your brooding about this, and antidepressants can help reduce that, as can the sort of good counselling I wish you could find.
Is there any possibility, depending on his job, of a home leave to somewhere where you could work for some weeks with a CBT style counsellor ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lee l | 2013-02-12

What would a cbt counsellor be and which antidepressant would be best? I could see a gp here. And see what he recommended.

Reply to Lee l
Posted by: bee | 2013-02-12

im not good in advice other people bt i can try to comfort u in ur situation,plz plz let it go i knw it is not easy bt the devil is a liar he doesnt want to see u n ur husband make im saying in mighty name of JESUS the devile is liar,if ur husband was not faithful to u its the past forgive n forget ask GOD to guide u in ur marriage let the past be the past move on i will pray for u n ask someone at the church o pray for u.u husband is trying his best to move on he realized his mistakes he wants his family back plz plz give him a second chance ....all the best with ur decision

Reply to bee

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