Posted by: Chick | 2012-11-26

Not coping

I apologize in advance for the long post

My mother died about 4 years ago, which I did not handle well. So I went to see a phsyciatrist. He put my Cymgem, a sleeping tablet ( I just couldn''t fall asleep) and 0.5 mg azor. All went well. So about 2.5 years it became time to wean myself off the meds. Which I did very slowly. It went well for about 3 months, and then I had a major setback. And had to go back on the meds.
Back at home my husband was mentally abusive (I''m actually scared that he reads this, because if he is in a bad mood my life becomes a living nightmare). He was also very overweight, always working, never had time for me etc. So I did what men usually did, I was alone and had a string of affairs. Stupid me, didn''t release that most men are pigs and just use you for about a month and then get bored of you. So I kept on looking for someone online that would just love me and not shout at me.
Husband then found out, and littererly held me prisoner for 6 weeks.I was allowed to do certain things under his supervision. But everything was checked. And I ofcourse allowed this, because of my guilt. And the mental abuse was terrible. He repeated the most terrible things over and over and over. And he got physical as well one evening. But as he says he only used his left hand, so it was nothing.

So one evening, after being very desperate I waited untill he was asleep I took my phone and and tried to remember the last man I was with e-mail address and asked if he could please lend me some money. Because I have to get divorced. I know I did wrong, but I can''t live the rest of my life like this. My husband caught me red handed. And then said, sure we can get divorced. But he is taking my kids away from me, that I''m mad, and he throughing me out on the street. I think I had a complete meltdown, because my kids are my everything

And suddently my husband has this turn around. And realizes that he actually did abuse me all these years. And talked to me liked you not even supposed to talk to a dog.

Next morning I went to see my psychiatrist, because just couldn''t stop crying. And he sent me to a clinic in Roodepoort.
I was diagnosed as biopolar there by him and my phsycologist.
This happened in July

I was fine for the 2 weeks whilst in the clinic
And also when I got home, because I could believe the difference in my husband''s attitude towards me.
I did struggle a bit with memory problems etc getting used to my meds. And hated the effect Lithium was having on me, I was blowing up like a balloon.
And I didn''t really believe that I was bi polar, just because I had affairs. I however did belief I was very depressed.

So at the moment I''m on :
Dopaquel 200 mg
Dyna-lamotrigine 200
Rivitrol 0.5 mg , morning and afternoon and 2 mg evening
Topalex 100mg for epilepsy (I don''t get seizures)
Eurhyrox 0.75 mg (thyroid was removed after Grave''s disease earlier this year
Cymgen 60

And I still struggle with depression. I have about 2 days a week where I can''t get out of bed.
And I regularly drink just enough pills (sleeping tablets, tranquilizers etc) to put me out for a day. Because I can''t face another day.
My short term memory is gone, I struggle to take care of myself, my children. Buying food, cooking, running my small business.
My medical aid is depleted for the year for psychiatric
And my doc ask R1900 a visit.
I have no support system.I only have a father and he is sickly My husband is sick of me and I can see his " old"  personality coming back again. If I cry he gets angry, If I don''t get out of bed he get angry, if I complain I only think about myself.
Please please help me!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Cymgen is NOT a sleeping medicine, it is a new antidepressant, and antidepressants are NOT usually helpful in grief rather than depression ( and a psychiatrist should be able to tell the difference ). Azor is a medicine for high blood pressure. But maybe you mean a similarly named sedative tranquillizer of the benzo family. That would help you sleep at least initially, but is not recommended for long-term use - certainly not for taking for 2 1/2 years. It can cause dependency and be difficult to stop without discomfort and problems.
Its unfortunate if your marriage became an unhapy one, but neither men nor women usually respond by having " a string of afairs" and doing so inevitably worsens the situation.
It is not true that "most men are pigs" but the sort ypou will find if you look for "a string of affairs" probably are.
Maybe your husband was indeed "mentally abusive" ; but getting angry and trying to stop your procession of affairs is not in itself abusive, but a rather udnerstandable reaction to his discovery of how you had been behaving ( which would have risked your health and his, apart from everything else ).
Maybe a divorce is appropriate, but he can't just "take your kids away from you" - that would have to be decided through legal procesudes, though your choice of a "string of affairs" would have made it very much easier for him to achieve this.
Its understandable that you were upset and tearful at the suddent prospect of a divorce and losing your home, and that you cried about this - but this is not bipolar disorder, and grossly over-diagnosed condition hese days, and one that should only be diagnosed with great care and using internationally accepted criteria.
Were you actually "very depressed" in the sense of having a serious Depressive illness ? Or were you very upset and sad at the mess you had, between you, created ?
The medicines you describe don't work as quickly as your story suggests - you probably felt much better in the clinic because you were in a safe and supportive and encouraging place. That's not quite how Bipolar Disorder typically responds.
I'm puzzled by the remarkably complex and heavy range of medications you were placed on, which for early in a first episode of whatever disorder this might have been, is an overwhelming and perhaps excessive response.
Lying in bed zonked out for the day is no solution to anything, and complex interpersonal and emotional problems are never sorted out by medications alone.
If you were a friend or family member, I'd like to see you get a second opinion from a good shrink entirely independent of the person or group who are looking after you at present. The diagnoses and the treatment plan need to be carefully examined.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kelly | 2012-11-26

Sounds like a neighbourhood scandal and all I feel sorry for is your hubby (well for all the sleeping around behind his back) Don''t know what was happening in your mind but sheeshkababs it all sounds hectic.

I don’ t think the 2 of you are any good for each other, do not know how you going to sort your mental issues out but DAMN I feel for your kids! Please give him to someone who can take care of them until you are able to. I think that would be ANYONE besides you two! You guys are going to mess those poor kids up (if you havn’ t already!)

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Chris758 | 2012-11-26

I cannot believe you call the men pigs because the dropped you after having used you for sex!! Do you think that you are/were a good woman or would you classify yourself as a slut?

You cannot blame everything on your husband for you have just as much to feel guilty of and to try aand be a better wife. I understand your mental state and all but damn, you were no angel!!

Reply to Chris758

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