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Question
Posted by: Wife | 2011-11-02

NO WORK BUT CHATTING

So my husband not been working now for a few months, i am working travelling for my work locally and really very stressed.

Last night i just had this feeling that he is chatting with someone else, he" s starts treeting me different and also very " off"  with me.

I checked his laptop ,he is chatting on few sites and also on atlest 15 porn sites......

We have been together now for 25 yrs and this is the trend i catch him out we fight i forgive him, few months down the line he does the same thing.

It agrevate me he should be looking for work! Not chat!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe this particular pattern isn't working for either of you. Have you tried not "catching him" then fighting, but talking about it, about what worries you, about how it is for him at home and workless while you travel for work, and so on ?
I agree he's unlikely to find work on chat sites, but does he ALSO seek work during working hours ? Have you discussed with him how he feels about being unemployed, and where he is looking, and whether you might be able to help ?

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6
Our users say:
Posted by: Disgusted | 2011-11-04

You are not helping him but exploiting him!!!!!!!!!!!
l doubt very much that he has his pride....you are using him as slave labour and should be ashamed!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Disgusted
Posted by: Unique | 2011-11-03

Leilah
please pay the guy more for doing trips with your kids. He saving you a huge headache. The same goes for aftercare! I would be very grateful to have a friend like him!

Reply to Unique
Posted by: Leilah | 2011-11-03

He might be depressed about not working. Not that I''m looking for an excuse but find out what he is doing to find work or what else he can be doing to earn some money or at least save you guys some money. Is he doing the cooking and cleaning so you don''t need to employ a domestic? Are there things he can make -perhaps bake Christmas cakes and sell them for income? My friend''s husband is doing all the baking for us working friends for Christamas as he is unemployed. He also cooks our meals 2 times a week so we don''t have to as most working people are quite stressed at work this time of year. It saves us a lot. In the afternoons he drives our children to their sport and extra-mural activities. We pay him R10 for every trip he does for us. Our kids all use their internet during the day as we are at work and at least there is an adult supervising their homework. We pay him R30 per afternoon as he feeds them home-made ice-tea and sandwiches as it serves as after-care. At the moment he is earning over R5 000 per month, saving their household R2 000 by not employing a domestic service any more. Last week I asked him to make my child''s party packs, bake the cake and do the shopping and paid him R300 for this service. This all adds up at the end of the month to a little salary for him and he has his pride.
And by the way - this friend of ours is a qualified engineer.

Reply to Leilah
Posted by: JR | 2011-11-02

This is rubbish.

Give him an ultimatum. He either stops his nonsense, or he can take his stuff and leave. And mean every word you say

Reply to JR
Posted by: H | 2011-11-02

En dis ok vir jou om opgeskeep te sit met iemand wat nie werk nie?

Reply to H
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-11-02

Maybe this particular pattern isn't working for either of you. Have you tried not "catching him" then fighting, but talking about it, about what worries you, about how it is for him at home and workless while you travel for work, and so on ?
I agree he's unlikely to find work on chat sites, but does he ALSO seek work during working hours ? Have you discussed with him how he feels about being unemployed, and where he is looking, and whether you might be able to help ?

Reply to cybershrink

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