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Question
Posted by: BROKEN | 2012/08/28

NO WAY FORWARD

47 Years old, a 3 year old and a 12 year old and a 24 year old - married 14 years with almost constant verbal abuse and some physical abuse, now decided i want a divorce - starting proceedings, final stages of verbal fighting (he is not in the country so it is phone calls and messages).
Now i feel totally broken, i have no one to turn to, no friend, no family, i feel totally alone. Soon i will not be financially able to live properly, i have not worked for 8 years, he will not be returning to SA permanently - I dont know i am just devistated and alone and i do not know what to do

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Breaking up from a basically anusive relationship can make good sense, but though it may eventually lead to some relief, its a stressful series of events in itself. Having nobody to turn to is a serious handicap whatever stressful crisis you are facing. How have you made no friends at all ? Are there no members of your family you could approach ? Or have you somehow broken with them ? The legalities are complex if you stay ion SA and he is not planning to return - under what jurisdiction / legal system will the divorce be handled ? It will be essential to ensure that he is required to pay proper maintenance for the children, and potentially even for you, if you let go of your working life to be his wife and the mother of the children. Are you currently on his medical aid ? Can you arrange to see a counsellor, maybe even one arranged through a group like POWA that advises abused women, to explore your rights and your options for returning to work, finding support ( maybe POWA has some support groups near you ), and so on ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/28

Breaking up from a basically anusive relationship can make good sense, but though it may eventually lead to some relief, its a stressful series of events in itself. Having nobody to turn to is a serious handicap whatever stressful crisis you are facing. How have you made no friends at all ? Are there no members of your family you could approach ? Or have you somehow broken with them ? The legalities are complex if you stay ion SA and he is not planning to return - under what jurisdiction / legal system will the divorce be handled ? It will be essential to ensure that he is required to pay proper maintenance for the children, and potentially even for you, if you let go of your working life to be his wife and the mother of the children. Are you currently on his medical aid ? Can you arrange to see a counsellor, maybe even one arranged through a group like POWA that advises abused women, to explore your rights and your options for returning to work, finding support ( maybe POWA has some support groups near you ), and so on ?

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