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Question
Posted by: GG | 2008/10/07

No Sex Life - Pls help!!

Please help. My hub and I have sex about once a month or maybe two times if we have nothing else to do. When we do have sex it is wonderful. We have a 7 month old baby but that is definitly not the problem. When we had just met it was all good, no problem in that department. Then when we got married we decided to start a family asap because we both love kids. So we had sex as much a possible and after 2 months got pregn. During pregnancy sex life was good except for the last month of pregnancy. About 1 month after baby we started again. Over the past 6 months not one of us is in the mood. We are not tired and not bored with eachother. It is like sex for us is just needed when we want another baby and we are actually talking about sex as if it is just used for making a baby. As I said, our sex life is not boring when we eventually do it but what can the problem be. My husband is away for a week now and I can guarentee that we won' t even have sex the day he returns. What could be wrong with us. We would sometimes start early in the day with sms' s and stuff like that and my nighttime nothing happens and it is from both our sides. Are we bored but just don' t know it? Can it be a medical problem? I definitly rule out having a child because our son sleeps through at night. Hope you have advise for me because I really want to change this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

I hear what you are saying about the fact that your son sleeps through, but sleep deprivation is only one of the reasons for couples to loose sexual interest. This is a common post-natal experience and may be due to several factors:
1. the hormones during breastfeeding, or the act of breastfeeding may dampen sexual interest
2. if you are suffering from post-natal depression, this will dampen your sexual interest and you need some medical support
3. tiredness / exhaustion due to sleep deprivation frequently knocks sex down the priority list as your priority is likely to be your baby & building your 'family'.(okay so maybe this one doesn't apply in your case)
4. difficulty adjusting to being a mother and the idea of being sexual as a mother may turn some people off.
5. resentment that your role as mother has changed you completely and you may feel that your husband's life has remained largely the same (e.g. he can still go to gym or out with his friends, but you may feel too guilty to or feel unable to because of breastfeeding or fear of having someone else look after your baby)
6. You may feel that all you do is meet other people's demands - the baby, work, husband - not only could this reduce your libido as you are likely to feel drained, but also make it difficult for you to want to do anything about it because you just give, give, give...
7. if your baby shares your bedroom or bed, you may feel inhibited.

You need to identify the cause for your, and your husband's loss in sexual interest before you can do anything about it, once identified, it's likely you'll need to support each other to make relevant changes that can move you closer to how you once were. This might include him sharing some of the load so that you know it's not all up to you (and that he is hearing your concerns), you taking some time for yourself to feel like an individual again, focusing on the couple relationship and not just the baby (e.g. nights out as a couple), and enhancing your sexual relationship however you can - use of lubricant, sex toys, or fantasy to turn you on - you might find that desire emerges when you become aroused.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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