Posted by: Mom101 | 2012-12-04

No Sex Drive - Help!


Me and my husband welcomed a lovely little boy into our lives 14 months ago. Ever since - it is very difficult for me to get into the mood. It irritates my hubby as " I am always tired etc" . I do have a stressful job and my husband isn''t home much as he has a demanding job. When I see him at night he mentions sex within the first hour of our conversation. We do have sex 3-4 times a week, but he still requires more. I sometimes feel that it is only about the physical these days and nothing more. He, because of his job, doesn''t spend a lot of time with our child either and I and his granny''s and grandpa''s need to entertain him, because when he is at home he just wants to sleep and I need to sit up with the little one instead of spending family time together and then at night when baby is asleep he wants sex and by that time I am so exhausted that I am not in the mood. He feels that I don''t love him anymore, but he keeps on nagging me for sex when it comes to a point that I don''t want to do it anymore! Please help!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear mom101
The delivery of a new beautiful baby can bring great joy to a family but can often complicate the sex lives of new parents. Fatigue and loss of interest on the part of the mother is exceptionally common. Hormonal changes, parental responsibilities, changes in body image, post partum mood changes, the added stresses and strains of new social roles and changes in the roles that couples play for each other are just a few reasons for this.
As you describe it, having sex 3 to 4 times a week is still above average for your situation but there is clearly a mismatch between your and your husbands desire with a break in understanding of how to reconcile the two.
A new father can often feel marginalized by a new baby, and his behaviour may be an indirect way of communicating his frustrations. It is often hard to adapt, and even harder to find ways of directly talking about ones sexual needs. His sleeping may be a way of avoiding confrontation on these issues.
It sounds like there is little direct communication about the dilemma you face. Your predicament is a common one, and it sounds like you do have many grandparents around who may be able to take some of the responsibilities of babysitting while you reconnect with your husband so that you can both find a middle ground from which to rekindle your relationship. You will both need to find understanding for the others predicament and carefully tend to each other your needs during the time when baby care can monopolize everyones attention.
If this is not possible, I would strongly advise seeking help with a sex counselor, as left untended these types of problems can become much worse.
SASHA. For further information please consult SASHA’S website at For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2012-12-05

I don''t think there is a problem with your sex drive, but your husband. He needs to make more time for you and your family. He needs to help you with the child and that way you are not too tired when you go to bed.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Maximus | 2012-12-04

Hi Mom101
Yes having a child is demanding (nobody knows more so than me with 2 small children 1.5y and 3y). They have fortunatly started sleeping through and that was the first hurdle to over come.
Your husband is lucky to get it 2-3 times a week - i get sum anything from once every 1 - 6 weeks depending on her mood - so sorry i cant help you with any advice.
If it was up to me i would love to have sex twice every day as my sex drive is high, but alas i am now forced to masturbate 3-4 times a day just to release.

Reply to Maximus
Posted by: Mom101 | 2012-12-04

I also forgot to mention that I have never had an orgasm all by myself. There has always been a sex toy involved. Is this damaging to the relationship?

Reply to Mom101

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