Our expert says:
This must be a frustration for you. It seems that you describe that your boyfriend has a low sex drive but you also mention that he 'can't get it up'. This could perhaps be the cause of his low desire, perhaps because of the fear of failure. It is very important that he has a checkup to find out why this is happening. It can be due to psychological reasons, but erectile problems may also occur for a number of physical reasons, the most problematic of all could be serious health issues and so he needs to have a physical check up to exclude e.g. diabetes, hypertension, raised cholesterol. It could be the side effect of medications for example.
If a physical cause is excluded, it could be that he has psychological blocks - this is where he may fear sexual failure/poor performance, and this essentially blocks the normal workings of the sexual response. If there is conflict in the relationship or he has individual concerns (e.g. not feeling 'man' enough, etc), this could also affect his erection.
There are treatment options for erectile dysfunction - both pharmaceutical and psychosexual - why not consider some of these option together to see how this can be addressed.
As a first recommendation - try to get your boyfriend checked out physically by a GP or urologist. If he gets the all clear, then both of you go to see a health professional with experience in this area.
For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
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