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Question
Posted by: oldie | 2008/09/30

no sex desire

hi doc,

i am 19 jears old and have a baby, since she was born a few years ago i dont have any desire to have sex with my boyfriend and it makes him mad and i feel quilty and old is there anything i can do to please him more without me not wanting to have sex, i want to have a desire to please him in a sexual way, i love him very much and dont want him to go look elswhere

please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

This is a common post-natal experience and may be due to several factors:
1. the hormones during breastfeeding, or the act of breastfeeding may dampen sexual interest
2. if you are suffering from post-natal depression, this will dampen your sexual interest and you need some medical support
3. tiredness / exhaustion due to sleep deprivation frequently knocks sex down the priority list as your priority is likely to be your baby & building your 'family'.
4. difficulty adjusting to being a mother and the idea of being sexual as a mother may turn some people off.
5. resentment that your role as mother has changed you completely and you may feel that your boyfriend's life has remained largely the same (e.g. he can still go to gym or out with his friends, but you may feel too guilty to or feel unable to because of breastfeeding or fear of having someone else look after your baby)
6. You may feel that all you do is meet other people's demands - the baby, work, husband - not only could this reduce your libido as you are likely to feel drained, but also make it difficult for you to want to do anything about it because you just give, give, give...
7. if your baby shares your bedroom or bed, you may feel inhibited.

Unfortunately, unless you have a lower level of testosterone (which is not common and can be difficult to measure as women's testosterone is naturally low anyway) there is nothing pharmaceutical licensed to assist you. You need to identify the cause for your loss in sexual interest before you can do anything about it, once identified, it's likely you'll need your boyfriend's support to make relevant changes that can move you closer to how you once were. This might include him sharing some of the load so that you know it's not all up to you (and that he is hearing your concerns), you taking some time for yourself to feel like an individual again, focusing on the couple relationship and not just the baby, and enhancing your sexual relationship however you can - use of lubricant, sex toys, or fantasy to turn you on - you might find that desire emerges when you become aroused.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: oldie | 2008/10/01

thanx alot doc, i do suffer from depression but i stoped using my pills, i dont want others to see me as a sick person and i feel that i could beat the depression on my own but it gets really tough sometimes, my boyfriend is not really open to the hole experiencing wit toys and stuff but i' ll do my best in sharing my concerns!!!

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