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Question
Posted by: dw | 2011/05/16

no reciprocation

I have been seeing my bf for 7 months now. In the beginning he was interested in me, asked a lot of questions about me, etc but now over the past 3-4 months I have noticed this has stopped. It is now all about him. He is currently overseas on business and he tells me how lonely he is over there and I empathize with him, offer him support, write him news of whats happening here and with me, but he shows no interest. The other day I was feeling extremely lonely and his answer to me was ''go play with your cat''!!! I was really hurt by this answer as I support him as much as I can, but there is no reciprocation on his part. I''m an honours psychology student and did my first counselling session last week and told him how nervous I was. He never even asked how it went!!! This seems to becoming a recursive issue. I know this deal he is doing is very important to him and he is an ex special forces member and I know they are desensitized to emotions, but I''m plangent about this!! I''m waiting to see if things improve. Am I wasting my time? Thanks in advance.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You say he is working overseas and alone - so its hardly surprising that his own loneliness is top of his agenda. While he knows you CAN play with your cat ( and cats can be very understanding about such situations I once told my old friend Carl Rogers that I thought all cats and most dogs had read his books about Unconditional Positive Regard ) he can't even do that.
And he may feel bad about not being able, at a distance, to do anything about your loneliness. People tend to feel bad about situations where they can't think of how to be helpful, and maybe especially men, tend to avoid or ignore them.
And as he is not with you, he may not be easily aware of whatever else may be bothering you.
How much longer is he due to be overseas ? Long-distance relationships are nver easy except at the most trivial level.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/16

You say he is working overseas and alone - so its hardly surprising that his own loneliness is top of his agenda. While he knows you CAN play with your cat ( and cats can be very understanding about such situations I once told my old friend Carl Rogers that I thought all cats and most dogs had read his books about Unconditional Positive Regard ) he can't even do that.
And he may feel bad about not being able, at a distance, to do anything about your loneliness. People tend to feel bad about situations where they can't think of how to be helpful, and maybe especially men, tend to avoid or ignore them.
And as he is not with you, he may not be easily aware of whatever else may be bothering you.
How much longer is he due to be overseas ? Long-distance relationships are nver easy except at the most trivial level.

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