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Question
Posted by: Me | 2010/12/14

No " lust"  at 42!!!!????

Dear A &  S Expert...I have a sexy, good looking g/friend for the past 6 yrs now. Weeks can go by without me approaching her to anything that leads to ....sex, or intercourse. My libido, which I before never had a problem with, just about disintegrated so to speak...

As sy nie toenadering soek nie sal ons nooit intiem wees nie...
Has it maybe got something to do with my...real inner feelings for her, maybe I love but are not in love anymore..when we first met, we did it at least once a day. I must mention that we did both wrong (were untruthful) towards each other, dont know if that might be a cause as well??

This problem (of mine), creates major problems for our relationship, she is up in arms with my " problem" , and surely I cant blame her. If you were to advise me to experiment in the bedroom...we first need to get my libido or whatever the problem is, back, in order to do anything further.

Thanks so much..

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageAgeing and Sexuality expert

I like when men are sensitive to their hearts, to their feelings. I like that you recognise that experimenting in the bedroom is actually the last thing you could do right now. I don't know your age..but since you write to me in this forum of ageing I have to assume you are older (?)

Whatever your age , clearly more important if you are older, you need to get yourself medically checked up - always- just to be sure this low desire is not a symptom of a medical problem.

Once you ascertain you are medically sound and you do not have a bad life stlye that can impact negatively on your desire, then you got to look honestly where you are telling me you know where the problem lies: within the relationship.

Your body is talking to you - it tells the truth you may not want to say out loud : you no longer feel attracted to your girlfriend , you no longer feel your heart in love with her and you cannot get over the betrayals that happened.

I suggest couple therapy for both of you so you can get resolution on this relationship- trust me , you feel horny again when the right person crosses your path.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Me | 2011/01/18

Hi there DL...
It does not have to be DIY...surely he can still please you one way or the other?? Or does DIY includes him pleasing you?
But after all, I just do not believe that you would be fully satisfied by not doing the real thing..Nothing like it. Do you guys use toys at all, sorry for asking?

Reply to Me
Posted by: DL | 2011/01/14

Hi,
I see what you say, but I am still a bit scared that I might cause more trouble than good. And yes, it is frustrating. We had a very healthy sex life before his heart attack. No less than 6 times a week and some weeks it was up to 10 times. So you can imagine that its a huge change for us. And DIY isn''t fun anymore. I would never ever cheat to get sex. Not even sms someone else, but like to resolve this with him.

Reply to DL
Posted by: Me | 2011/01/14

You know DL, my g/friend were open with me and told me in the face " If you cant give me sex I''ll have to look for it somewhere else" ...just like that...I did not feel offended and realised that I have to do something about it. We have sex once a week or maybe every 2nd week, for her (woman in general I suppose) it''s not enough. She wont cheat on me I would hope, allthough she had an sms " affair"  with 2 guys behind my back, if I can call it that. Sad...but yeah, that is reality.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Me | 2011/01/14

If he is too scared to even try anything remotely relating to sex (as per your post), then you''re heading for trouble...you wont be happy with that and he might prefer it that way, by reading what you''ve said. He must understand that you need to be pleased sexualy...and understand the consequences that might occur should it not happen...or am I getting of the point now??

Reply to Me
Posted by: Me | 2011/01/14

I dont think that you would hurt his feelings DL, honestly. Surely he is aware of the " problem" , and he should honestly and very openly accept that you need sex with/from him...even if not by himself but using ways to stimulate you. Everything you''re sayin makes absolute sense DL. And allthough it is sensitive, both of you should be able to sort it out without you hurting his feelings, he should understand 100% seeing that the mental attraction is mutual. Shame girl my heart realy does go out to you, and your hubby for that matter...I dont know what realy to say or advise, but i do have 2 ears and always avail if you just need to talk...I am a good listener lol!

Have a blessed day.

Reply to Me
Posted by: DL | 2011/01/13

Oh, and by the way - on the post you left me you said that he''s definitely physically attracted to me, but that we might not connect mentally...Well, that''s not the case either. We are both fairly intelligent people who likes to discuss and debate various subjects. We both hold PhD''s and that was the common ground in the beginning and grew from there. You know the kind of conversation where you want to say something and the other person say exactly that? It''s like that. Or I would pick up my mobile phone from my desk to call him and then at that exact moment he would call me... Weird.

Reply to DL
Posted by: DL | 2011/01/13

Hi
Yes, he says that it is of no interest to him anymore. Although we do not have sex or cuddle, I still get kisses. The kind that would normally lead to sex - not just the ''hi honey, I''m home'' kiss. I think he''s trying his best to not have me feel neglegted by kissing me and do all the other stuff. I seriously think that he has no sex drive whatsoever. Like they say, I''ts all in the mind...and I have to tell you, since he''s on the Anti-Depressants it''s worse than ever. My problem is that I don''t know how to get him to talk to his doctor about it. Or how to get through to him that I need him to do something about it without hurting his feelings. I imagine that it''s a very sensitive subject for a man... I think he might feel he''s not man enough anymore and I don''t want to do more damage than good by going on about it. Does that makes sense?

Reply to DL
Posted by: Me | 2011/01/12

Sorry me again, you mentioned that your hubby does not hold or cuddle you anymore? I would then imagine there must be more to it than the pills he''s using DL...You said yourself " He said he is not interested in sex anymore" ...

Reply to Me
Posted by: Me | 2011/01/12

Thank you very much DL. I also read up alot and noticed that the majority of the Dr''s suggest seeing a Uroligist.
I know my sugar is okay, but yes, I''ll take your advise and see if I can get all the rest checked out.
You keep well...and keep me posted okay, if you''d like.
Cheers then.

Reply to Me
Posted by: DL | 2011/01/11

Since you left a comment for me, I might as well try... After my partner''s heart attack I learned a lot by reading every article I could find about it. Maybe you should get yourself checked out by having a full medical. I wish we did!!! You know the saying  prevention is better than cure... And should they find there is nothing wrong (do everything: diabetes tests (over 24 hrs), colesterol, heart function etc) then at least you have the comfort to know there is nothing physically wrong.

Reply to DL

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