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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-13

No Physical Attraction...

Hi CS!
As you have read a previous post regarding this , it has just brought back my own experiences now.
It has nothing to do with libido for me but I do not know what it is, I am 26yrs.
I was engaged to my ex bf, in love, loved kissing etc... but then after the second year I just was not turned on by these thing anymore, I dreaded having sex with him, hated his kisses and always turned my face when I saw one coming my way.

This obviously hurt him very much and it hurt me too because I still loved him very much.I just hated anything physical with him but when we had sex and we were into it I enjoyed it but would hate it when we would start.
I can' t explain it really, it' s weird.
I then started cheating on him with this guy I worked with and he really turned me on.
I loved all the physical with him and hated my bf even touching me.

After 4 yrs and almost getting married I broke up with him and began dating the guy I was cheating with. After a yr my physical attraction to him also disappeared.
He never turned me on anymore, I ended that relationship even though I loved this guy too.
We had lots of fun together but I just could not take the physical.

I am with my current bf for over a yr.now and this is the guy I want to marry.
I am however starting to worry because I feel myself losing that physical attraction to him too!
Out of all I was most attracted to him, so madly and I' m afraid that I' m losing it and don' t know why.I love sex, touching, kissing etc and have esp.with him.
What is my problem?
I' m afraid that I will end up falling for someone else once my physical attraction for my bf is lost and I don' t want that to happen.
I don' t want to repeat history.
In my heart I know that won' t happen because I have had the opportunity many times but refused as I love my bf so much.

I just don' t want to have to go to some other guy because my bf does not attract me anymore.
What is this and why does it keep happening to me?
It' s really frustrating and makes me worry.
I can see it coming on, this whole week I have been trying to avoid his kisses or just give him a small peck and then he asked me lastnight why I don' t want to kiss him!
I didn' t know what to say because I did not think he would notice.
What do I do?
I love him!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

AHA. Now you reveal something far more complex than suggested by the original question
You definitely need to see a good practical psychotherapist to work on this, as you are describing a recurring self-defeating pattern of behaviour. You seem to have, for whatever reason, a built-in assumption that separates love and sex --- that sex is great except with someone you love, and love is marvellous except when you have sex with that person. This disconnect is not compulsory, but exploring how it came about and how it affects you, and modifying it, could open you to far greater happiness.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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