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Question
Posted by: used | 2010-04-21

no loving feeling

please help me: my son is 5 months old, and since his birth our sex life is non existing. mostly on my part as my hormones are crazy. the thing that worries me is that when we do have sex, my husband hardly or never kisses me, he has never offered or tried oral sex, it''''s more a quicky than making love. the sessions never lasts more than 10 min, and he will never cuddle afterwards. I feel used. he is also not interested in spicing things up with toys or dvd''''s.
Please tell me how to address the situation?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It could be a purely hormonal effect on your libido, or there could be a degree of Post-Natal Depression, which is more common than most people realize. But that would potentially help to explain a loss of libido on your side - not his. Some men do have difficulty with sex after their wife has given birth, worrying about how she may have been affected. What's no quite clear from your message is whether this lack of skill and sexual involvement on his side is entirely since the birth, or something that has always been there, even if somewhat more definite since the birth. Marriage counselling would be a good idea, wouldn't it ?

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: JEZ | 2010-04-22

It seems to me that you are not the problem When reading your post I maybe thought, ok, Post Natal Depression (PND) but woman with this symption does not even think about sex let alone oral sex and the fact that you are intersted in toys and dvd''s? I used beg my husband for sex until I got a vibrator that he up until today does not know about. And guess what? we are now having great sex! when a man picks up a woman is in " need"  it is as if he sometimes purposely ignores her... I dont know? thats how I see it? I used to cry myself to sleep! but know I sleep like a baby as there was no need for me to take my V out again. Good luck!

Reply to JEZ
Posted by: Happiness | 2010-04-21

Hi

What kind of input do you have on your sex life? Do you make an effort to spice things up? Do you talk to him about sex when you are not having sex? The thing is when you start blaming him for all the problems you are having around sex, you are saying he is wrong and you are right. That immidiately creates a wall between you two. You are a team. The problems and short comings you have in your marriage are both yours.

Brainstorm together on how to make it fun and it will be fun

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-04-21

It could be a purely hormonal effect on your libido, or there could be a degree of Post-Natal Depression, which is more common than most people realize. But that would potentially help to explain a loss of libido on your side - not his. Some men do have difficulty with sex after their wife has given birth, worrying about how she may have been affected. What's no quite clear from your message is whether this lack of skill and sexual involvement on his side is entirely since the birth, or something that has always been there, even if somewhat more definite since the birth. Marriage counselling would be a good idea, wouldn't it ?

Reply to cybershrink

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