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Question
Posted by: Lee-Ann | 2010/08/10

No intimacy with husband

Hi Doc, I am married now for 15 years and have 2 kids (daughter 10, son 8yrs). My husband and I have not had sex for +-5/6 months (once after a long time). I have noticed over the last 2 years that he is stimulating himself when he gets the urge to sex. He is doing it quietly, but I have still figured it out and confronted him about it, he don''t have anything to say about it. I have suggested last year already that we should see a dr, but he didn''t want to, because I thought he had erection problems. He cannot satisfy me, because he gets an erection within seconds and all is over within seconds, he also don''t have the patience to stimulate me, I can feel it in the rough way he is doing it and am sore afterwards. He is otherwise a good husband, but not romantic at all. It worries me everytime when he is doing this thing in bed, right next to me. I lie awake at night and cannot sleep and don''t feel comfortable talking abou it everytime. I am also having dreams now for a long time about men loving me - my friend said it is because I don''t get it from my husband. the only love I am getting from the opposite sex is from my 8yr old son. Please tell me what the best way is to handle this, I am tired of talking, he always have an answer for everything. Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Many men cope reall badly with the rather common problem ofm erection problems ( or indeed any sexual difficulty ) and feel embarrased about it. And they may find it more practical and re-assuring to have sex with themselves ( masturbation ) than with anyone else where any failure would be more bothersome for them.
What you seem to be discussing is less of an erection problem ( in the sense of serious difficulty in geting and sustaining an erection )as being perhaps more a problem of premature ejaculation. Whatever the base problem, this is very much helpable by a psychologist with an interest in and experience of such matters.
Sounds like he's trying to avoid facing the facts and admitting that he needs and deserves some expert help, which, also perhaps improving his skills at actually satisfying his partner rather than only himself, would benefit both of you. Is it possible for you to skillfully persuade him to deal with this ? Maybe some preliminary marriage counseling sessions as a sart ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/10

Many men cope reall badly with the rather common problem ofm erection problems ( or indeed any sexual difficulty ) and feel embarrased about it. And they may find it more practical and re-assuring to have sex with themselves ( masturbation ) than with anyone else where any failure would be more bothersome for them.
What you seem to be discussing is less of an erection problem ( in the sense of serious difficulty in geting and sustaining an erection )as being perhaps more a problem of premature ejaculation. Whatever the base problem, this is very much helpable by a psychologist with an interest in and experience of such matters.
Sounds like he's trying to avoid facing the facts and admitting that he needs and deserves some expert help, which, also perhaps improving his skills at actually satisfying his partner rather than only himself, would benefit both of you. Is it possible for you to skillfully persuade him to deal with this ? Maybe some preliminary marriage counseling sessions as a sart ?

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