Posted by: dw | 2012-12-13

no hope

I dont know what to do anymore. I realise I have problems and I am trying to work on them. I used to stay with my bf but moved out because we were constantly fighting and he is verbally abusive. I am trying to find stable accommodation because since I moved out 2 months ago, I have been staying with different people and living out a suitcase. My friend has offered me to house sit her house until the end of the month which suits me perfectly, I love it there. It is calm and I feel at peace. However now my bf has issues with it as he says it is going to effect our relationship and we are never going to see each other. I need stability...he is fine because he still has his house!! He is also always bringing up past issues and says my depression is affecting him and my insecurities and and and.... Its just hard to end things now over christmas!

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Our expert says:
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In some ways one of the worst aspects of abuse is when you allow the abuser ( and its totally his fault ) to convince you this is somehow your fault. The House-sitting idea sounds fine - but how is it any of his business ? And why are you still allowing him to be your boyfriend ? It would be utterly wonderful if you were never to see him again, so embrace and celebrate the opportunity. Call a group like POWA which helps abused women, and work with help to set yourself free, safely. Its a brilliant idea to end things with an abuser at any time of year. Don't you have any non-abusive family or friends to work with, while leaving this loser behind ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Milla | 2012-12-14

If you lived with this man and it didn''t work out why are you still seeing him at all? If you saw you couldn''t share a living space, what future do think this relationship will have for you? Why allow him to still have a hold on you?

Wouldn''t you rather spend the holidays with family or friends or even alone than with an abuser? I cannot think of a better Christmas gift to give yourself than freedom!

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