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Question
Posted by: lonely | 2009/12/13

no attention

hi,i wont to find out what i should do if i am not getting sex at home.i have spoken to him about not getting any attention. he does not change. we work together so we have become like brother and sister.
problem is that i get very sexually frustrated now and dont know quiet what to do apart from masterbation.
but i also want the body contact of a man
please advise?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Apologies for the absence of 'sexologist' response until now; I have been unavailable. I have read the responses from others, I agree that communication is key. I do not think that an affair is the answer, although I do think that your position is a very difficult one. I suggest that in the communication with your husband you need to discuss this as a problem that needs to be solved and so make sure you do it when you are both calm - not after a fight, if you are under the influence of any substance, or on your way out the door somewhere. The problem is you feel that he does not pay you any attention. Firstly, is there a reason for this - is he unhappy with you, depressed, etc. If you find a reason for this, then obviously you try to resolved this issue. If no reason is found, then you can together look at what the options are - including: he explores if he has a medical reason for his absence of libido (there are some physical problems that can cause this), he explores with you how he could meet some more of your needs, what is acceptable to him for you to do in relation to your unmet needs. In other words, does he expect you just to masturbate, or is it okay with him that you find a lover (don't laugh, some couples opt for this - but rather have it in the open than an act of betrayal which is very difficult to overcome). This option may stir him into action. You also need to think carefully about what you will do if this continues despite the problem solving exercise...is this enough to end the relationship?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: lonely | 2010/01/11

what happened to dane the man, and all your advice?

Reply to lonely
Posted by: steve | 2009/12/22

hi back again. I will email you directly

Reply to steve
Posted by: lonely | 2009/12/21

oooopppps...piglet41atlivedotcodotza...

Reply to lonely
Posted by: lonely | 2009/12/21

mine is...piglet41atlivedotcom...

Reply to lonely
Posted by: Primo | 2009/12/21

Thanks, that would be great.

Reply to Primo
Posted by: lonely | 2009/12/21

well i cud give you mine so long if you like?

Reply to lonely
Posted by: Primo | 2009/12/21

I will create a hotmail address and post it here later this week, hope I am cooler than cause right now I am more likely to rock your world, then listen.

Reply to Primo
Posted by: lonely | 2009/12/21

i think just been able to chat to someone and share ones experiances can help. you know the saying problem shared is problem halved.hee hee. which half do you wont?
do you wont to chat kinda direct rather? any suggestions to do that. hotmail or something

Reply to lonely
Posted by: Primo | 2009/12/21

Just wanted to see why you looiking, anyways, if you wanna talk I am, willing to listen, dont know if I have much advise as I cannot successfully get to " talk"  her into sex anymore.

Reply to Primo
Posted by: lonely | 2009/12/18

shall i get you instead?
i would like to chat to someone in the same situation, but not on open forum.??

Reply to lonely
Posted by: Primo | 2009/12/18

Now why you wanna get Dane?

Reply to Primo
Posted by: lonely | 2009/12/17

Dane i am not getting you????

Reply to lonely
Posted by: Primo | 2009/12/17

I say if he is vindictive and dont want to listen, give him 2 choices, shape up or ship out, no partner desrve to be placed on a shelf to go hungry like this.

Reply to Primo
Posted by: lonely | 2009/12/16

well i have the same reaction as if i didnt say anything.
he is vindictive, so if i say something he turns it into my problem.
that is also stressful. i should just some out and say i am not happy about it hey.
i find it so frustrating, dont know which way to turn sometimes.
steve how long have you had this problem?

Reply to lonely
Posted by: steve | 2009/12/16

my wife has a tantrum if i bring the subject up. No chance of comunication

Reply to steve
Posted by: lonely | 2009/12/15

well steve that is a good question becuz it is not like i have not asked the same question time and time again.
whenever i bring up the subject and say that he does not give me attention, he tells me its beccuz i dont give him attenion. like a tit for tat thing. i have kinda got tierd of asking the same thing.i have asked him to go to the doctor and chat to him about it, as he must have a low libido and see if he can give him something.
he is slow to react.

Reply to lonely
Posted by: steve | 2009/12/15

what if your partner refuses to discuss the issue?

Reply to steve
Posted by: lonely | 2009/12/15

i have neva heard of rocketmail??

Reply to lonely
Posted by: lonely | 2009/12/15

thank you Primo, you sound very caring....

Reply to lonely
Posted by: Primo | 2009/12/15

Just take care and make sure whatever you do you ready to deal with all the consequences that comes with it. In the end you need to take care of YOU.

Reply to Primo
Posted by: lonely | 2009/12/15

thanks guys and dolls.
in do realise that i cant carry on like this.
somethings got to give.
any attention i get from male friends is always tempting.

Reply to lonely
Posted by: Dane | 2009/12/15

Contact a helper, that wil satidfied you and bring your sex life back. mrdaneatrocketmaildotcom

Reply to Dane
Posted by: Primo | 2009/12/15

All the best, let us know how it went, holding thumbs for you.

Reply to Primo
Posted by: Sexologist | 2009/12/15

Apologies for the absence of 'sexologist' response until now; I have been unavailable. I have read the responses from others, I agree that communication is key. I do not think that an affair is the answer, although I do think that your position is a very difficult one. I suggest that in the communication with your husband you need to discuss this as a problem that needs to be solved and so make sure you do it when you are both calm - not after a fight, if you are under the influence of any substance, or on your way out the door somewhere. The problem is you feel that he does not pay you any attention. Firstly, is there a reason for this - is he unhappy with you, depressed, etc. If you find a reason for this, then obviously you try to resolved this issue. If no reason is found, then you can together look at what the options are - including: he explores if he has a medical reason for his absence of libido (there are some physical problems that can cause this), he explores with you how he could meet some more of your needs, what is acceptable to him for you to do in relation to your unmet needs. In other words, does he expect you just to masturbate, or is it okay with him that you find a lover (don't laugh, some couples opt for this - but rather have it in the open than an act of betrayal which is very difficult to overcome). This option may stir him into action. You also need to think carefully about what you will do if this continues despite the problem solving exercise...is this enough to end the relationship?

Reply to Sexologist
Posted by: lonely | 2009/12/14

i have done that already, believe me i have tried almost everything that one can think of. i thought he may be having an affair becuz of his total non interest in me and satisfying my needs. i think therapy may be the answer if i cud get him to go. he thinks he doesnt have a problem.


Reply to lonely
Posted by: Peaches | 2009/12/14

Darling, you can never give up on your man,you say he likes watching dvds so why no try and watch sex dvd' s with him and see what his reaction will be.

Reply to Peaches
Posted by: Primo | 2009/12/14

Communication is king, but as it is with some spouses some things have to be repeated, I sometimes wanna go down and eat her cake, but she always make excuses, oral sex went out the window after our second child both ways. I so badly wanna dig down and eat some but dont wanna cheat, or rather the hunger is not that big yet.

Reply to Primo
Posted by: lonely | 2009/12/14

yeah i have tried those things but as you said, its fine for one time then he is back on the couch watching dvds.
very frustrating i might add...

Reply to lonely
Posted by: Primo | 2009/12/14

My wife complaint as well some time ago that I do not provide sex often enough, I was so glad she broad it up as it opened dialogue. I told her I do not find it as exciting, as since the kids it was minimized to the odd missionary position and she stopped initiating and there is non of the funky things we used to do in bed. boy oh boy did she give me a pleasant surprise that evening, since then she' s usually out asleep on the coach by 8h30 pm, so it might be time for that chat again.

Reply to Primo
Posted by: XXX | 2009/12/14

If all the usual things don' t work,like dressing sexy/sending him sexy emails-texts etc then you need to go see a sexollogist or marriage counsellor
This is abnormal behaviour

Reply to XXX

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