Our expert says:
Apologies for the absence of 'sexologist' response until now; I have been unavailable. I have read the responses from others, I agree that communication is key. I do not think that an affair is the answer, although I do think that your position is a very difficult one. I suggest that in the communication with your husband you need to discuss this as a problem that needs to be solved and so make sure you do it when you are both calm - not after a fight, if you are under the influence of any substance, or on your way out the door somewhere. The problem is you feel that he does not pay you any attention. Firstly, is there a reason for this - is he unhappy with you, depressed, etc. If you find a reason for this, then obviously you try to resolved this issue. If no reason is found, then you can together look at what the options are - including: he explores if he has a medical reason for his absence of libido (there are some physical problems that can cause this), he explores with you how he could meet some more of your needs, what is acceptable to him for you to do in relation to your unmet needs. In other words, does he expect you just to masturbate, or is it okay with him that you find a lover (don't laugh, some couples opt for this - but rather have it in the open than an act of betrayal which is very difficult to overcome). This option may stir him into action. You also need to think carefully about what you will do if this continues despite the problem solving exercise...is this enough to end the relationship?
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