Our expert says:
You are not alone to be struggling to keep up with this level of sexual demand, and particularly given that you have young children (women often struggle to prioritise sex when they have been prioritising the children), and even more significantly that he cheated on you! If this matter has not been resolved/understood, it is perhaps not surprising that you are struggling sexually (that said - if you are even keeping up with his requests only half the time, you're doing about 300% more than many other women in a long term relationship. Here's what I have written before - some of it is relevant to your situation...
It is quite common that in the beginning of relationship women may have a greater interest in sex and possibly be less inhibited in sex than her 'default' position would be. This is due to chemicals in the brain which are released in the beginning of a relationship - amongst other things they result in slightly higher testosterone levels in women which may account for higher sex drive. Unfortunately due to a cruel trick of nature these changes are temporary and after a while (between 6months - 4 years) she returns to a more 'normal level'.
In addition to these changes (which are nobody's fault), there may be other changes (in your lives) that mean that her libido has taken even a bigger knock (i.e. the affair, demands of small children, his sulky behaviour if he gets no sex). It is important to make sure that you are both satisfied with the relationship - this includes asking her for feedback about how she feels/anything she'd like to improve, and likewise, you give her feedback and discuss what you would like to improve. Do this very gently! I am wondering why he feels the way he seems to if he doesn't have his sexual needs met - it could be useful to try to understand this (e.g. is this his only way to get your attention/time/interest, are you overfocused on the house/children? Or is this more of his own issue?)
When it comes to discussing the differences in sexual needs (which is VERY common) I always encourage both partners to be willing to understand what it is like for the other partner and then come to some middle ground / a negotiated compromise. In other words he needs to know that your libido is higher - and this is normal - as is it normal that his is higher. Therefore there is a necessary tension which needs to be addressed.
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