Our expert says:
If life together was awful, and I believe you that it was, then you have actually gained and not lost, by breaking up with him. And its probably best for him, too. But you haven't done the job of breaking up properly --- you are still allowing yourself to be bothered by him, worrying about him, finding out what he is doing and being concerned abouit it. Let Go ! It doesn't really matter who is to blame, you are better off for breaking up --- now finiosh that jobm set yourself free, and move on. You may feel lonely now, but your continuing excessive focus on him is cutting you off from better chances of meeting better people.You don't really know ehther he is happy or not, and shouldn't really care. You\re right to recognize that the irritability and drinking is a bath towards worsening everything. See a good counsellor in the first place, and perhaps a shrink for a full assessment, to identify whether there are treatable disorders here, or if you just need to work with the counsellor to lose these bad habits you have formed. Let go of the hurt and the hatred --- he coulsn't care and won\t care, and fortunately doesn't need to care --- and they are only harming you.
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