Posted by: empty, lonely, destructive | 2008/12/09


Right now I actually do not know what to do. I broke up with my fiancé  4 months ago. We were on and off for 4 years. The last year that we were together was awful. All we did was fight and fight. Break up every 2 months. Nothing was stable, no communication, no trust, no intimacy. It was pretty dead. The break up was also bad –  he was so indifferent the day we broke up. He made no effort to try and fix things. A week after we broke up I found out that he was after this girl at work long before we broke up. He is now seeing her. We have a mutual friend on Face book. And constantly he writes on her wall what I crazy b!tch I was and so on. I have left him alone for 4 months and he goes onto her wall and splashes pics of him and his new gf on our friends wall. And yes it hurts. Why does he deliberately want to hurt me? I have met at least 3 or 4 guys since and they are really great guys but I am not interested. I land up getting ugly with them and hurting them. I feel like I have been damaged by my ex. I cry myself asleep at night because I am so lonely and he is the one who is mostly to blame for our break up and yet he is the one who has someone else and who is happy and I am here all alone. I just cannot give myself to another guy. I feel empty and cold. I am miserable and in a bad mood all the time. I fight with my colleagues, friends and family. Been going out and drinking way too much. I do not know what to do anymore. How do I get out of this destructive path? How can I let go of the hurt my ex has caused me? How can I let someone else into my heart? How can I give myself to someone else? I am so full of hurt and hatred right now.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If life together was awful, and I believe you that it was, then you have actually gained and not lost, by breaking up with him. And its probably best for him, too. But you haven't done the job of breaking up properly --- you are still allowing yourself to be bothered by him, worrying about him, finding out what he is doing and being concerned abouit it. Let Go ! It doesn't really matter who is to blame, you are better off for breaking up --- now finiosh that jobm set yourself free, and move on. You may feel lonely now, but your continuing excessive focus on him is cutting you off from better chances of meeting better people.You don't really know ehther he is happy or not, and shouldn't really care. You\re right to recognize that the irritability and drinking is a bath towards worsening everything. See a good counsellor in the first place, and perhaps a shrink for a full assessment, to identify whether there are treatable disorders here, or if you just need to work with the counsellor to lose these bad habits you have formed. Let go of the hurt and the hatred --- he coulsn't care and won\t care, and fortunately doesn't need to care --- and they are only harming you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Paul | 2008/12/10

I feel your pain and for this reason I f uckin g hate facebook.

Reply to Paul

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