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Question
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2010/09/09

New Guy - Warning Signs or am I paranoid

Hi CS,
Hope you are doing well. With me things are a little confusing. The new guy in my life doesn''t seem to understand that he must backoff a bit as I am still coming to terms with the loss of the ex to death and the loss of my children to my sister, even though it is temporary, I am still trying to figure out how to get them back, do you think I stand a chance to get them back?

Anyway the new guy seems also to be the jealous type although he tries to hide it. Another guy flirted with me but I was not interested, had the feeling he was married, he was, the new guy phoned him to tell him to leave me alone, and couldn''t get through so accussed me of phoning the guy to warn him, which I did not. I have known, seen this guy around the past 3 years. He has been trying to get me in bed for the past 3 years to no avail and his wife called me and I told her she has nothing to worry about as far as I am concerned and I would let her know if anything untoward happens.

Now about this new guy, it is rather upsetting that he reacted as such because it means he does not trust me, the other he stood in front of me and told me not to lie to him, I did not know what he was talking about, he was talking about a friend of mine that came to visit me, that drives a white golf, he had driven past my house and seen it, it belonged to a male friend, not a bf, just a friend, we have been friends for 10 years now, no strings. He is also paranoid over the person renting a room from me, he is young and he waited up for us the other evening, because he had made food for us, I don''t think the poor chap had eaten, but ja the new guy was not very nice.

Another problem, he drinks heavily and I end up drinking with him, which is really not a good thing, it doesn''t go well with my meds. Am I being paranoid.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi BT,
I understand. Can't really guess, without far more details and information than we could exchange here, what the chances are of getting the children back. I suspect by far the best tactic is to continue to work on getting yourself comprehensively and consistently together.
As for New Guy - did this show that he doesn't trust you - or that he more understandably didn't trust the Nasty Married Guy ? But if he drinks heavily, and you get tempted to join in, you know that is bad news, as drinking again risks everything you've been working towards, and he ought to understand that.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ruby | 2010/09/10

Read a book called ''The Gift of Fear''. In it the authour describes how our intuition is the most powerful asset we have. If someone repeatedly refuses to take no for an answer, presses you to do something you don''t want to, etc: they are trying ot control & manipulate you. If he makes you feel uncomfortable &  you feel deep down that he is trouble (the fact that you''re posting this question seems as if you deep down really do know to stay away from him) stay away from him.

Reply to Ruby
Posted by: XXX | 2010/09/09

Your new " guy"  does not sound like someone you should be pursuing a relationship with !
Surely you should be able to get your children back once you are in the right " space"  again.Work hard at getting there and consider dumping this bloke.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Maria | 2010/09/09

Nope, you have a good instinct for self preservation. It sounds as if this guy is wrong for you on several levels, listen to your gut feel.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/09

Hi BT,
I understand. Can't really guess, without far more details and information than we could exchange here, what the chances are of getting the children back. I suspect by far the best tactic is to continue to work on getting yourself comprehensively and consistently together.
As for New Guy - did this show that he doesn't trust you - or that he more understandably didn't trust the Nasty Married Guy ? But if he drinks heavily, and you get tempted to join in, you know that is bad news, as drinking again risks everything you've been working towards, and he ought to understand that.

Reply to cybershrink

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