Our expert says:
Hmm. She sounds very insecure about her own relationship with the kids, doesn't she ? SO she complains if you treat the kids well - would she prefer you to be horrible towards them ? She shouldnt be given any opportunities to speak to you, let alone to get verbally abusive towards you. Discussions with her directly are unlikely to be helpful. Clearly, she is very far from over the relationship with her former husband, and in need of therapy to deal with her own bitterness, which will potentially be damaging for her children.
Discuss this with your friend, and see what he thinks. He may need to remind her that if they are divorced, who he chooses to have in his life is none of her business, and although she might have some grounds to interfere and protest if it was someone who was horrible and harmful for the children, she has no grounds for complaining that you are nice to them. He could remind her also that you and he could go to court to get a restraining order against her to prevent her abuse, and perhaps could get Child Welfare to investigate whether her bitterness is alarming or potentially damaging the children.
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