Our expert says:
I am wondering what makes you think that the urge is getting stronger? I am also a little unclear what the 'once off' is you are referring to - are you meaning to include another man and for you to perform oral sex on him? You need to clarify with her what is going on for her - sometimes women have fantasies that they wouldn't dream of acting on in reality but still enjoy the fantasy in order to heighten arousal, so you need to check in with her about this. IF she does want to explore this, you both need to think very carefully first what the implications of this are for you both and neither of you should go ahead if you are having doubts. Don't forget to include thinking about safety in terms of STIs and pregnancy and have clear boundaries in place with regards to what is and isn't ok for you both.
There is no reason why living out a fantasy would make it go away, unless the reality is a disappointment or has some other negative consequences perhaps. Arguably it could heighten excitement and lead to further escalation, but this is not guaranteed either. I suppose what I'm saying really is that it is difficult to predict, but you can't pin hopes on it 'going away'.
If you wife does have this fantasy, she may be satisfied to enjoy it in fantasy and sex play with you - that may be sufficient and certainly is the safest route to take from a number of perspectives.
Claire - SASHA
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