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Question
Posted by: anon | 2011/05/28

new fetish

my wife and i recently bought a vibrator, which she loves, but has now got into something new, and after her first orgasm with it likes me to suck it, she has progressed to asking me to cum inside her, she then uses the vibrator to get me aroused again, and likes me to suck the cum off the vibrator. I am concerned where this fantasy is going, as she has made some suggestive remarks during sex, about how i should think of it as a penis. we have been married for over 7 years now, and she was always pretty conservative in the bedroom, but is like a nympho now, not that i am complaining, i love it, and have asked her about this penis fantasy of hers, she says it is just a fantasy, but it seems that the urges are getting stronger, and i dont mind giving her her fantasy once, but beleive that if once off doesnt quell this fantasy, i would not be happy, as i only want her to fantasise about us, question is, in your experience if a persons fantasy is satisfied, does it go away then?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

I am wondering what makes you think that the urge is getting stronger? I am also a little unclear what the 'once off' is you are referring to - are you meaning to include another man and for you to perform oral sex on him? You need to clarify with her what is going on for her - sometimes women have fantasies that they wouldn't dream of acting on in reality but still enjoy the fantasy in order to heighten arousal, so you need to check in with her about this. IF she does want to explore this, you both need to think very carefully first what the implications of this are for you both and neither of you should go ahead if you are having doubts. Don't forget to include thinking about safety in terms of STIs and pregnancy and have clear boundaries in place with regards to what is and isn't ok for you both.

There is no reason why living out a fantasy would make it go away, unless the reality is a disappointment or has some other negative consequences perhaps. Arguably it could heighten excitement and lead to further escalation, but this is not guaranteed either. I suppose what I'm saying really is that it is difficult to predict, but you can't pin hopes on it 'going away'.

If you wife does have this fantasy, she may be satisfied to enjoy it in fantasy and sex play with you - that may be sufficient and certainly is the safest route to take from a number of perspectives.

Claire - SASHA

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Hubby | 2011/05/30

Let her enjoy fantasy and enjoy yourself in fantasy.
U are one lucky hubby.

Dont complain while u have a white bread underneath your arm.
Wish your wife was my wife!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Hubby
Posted by: topdog | 2011/05/30

Next will be a 3sum....

Reply to topdog
Posted by: Sexologist | 2011/05/28

I am wondering what makes you think that the urge is getting stronger? I am also a little unclear what the 'once off' is you are referring to - are you meaning to include another man and for you to perform oral sex on him? You need to clarify with her what is going on for her - sometimes women have fantasies that they wouldn't dream of acting on in reality but still enjoy the fantasy in order to heighten arousal, so you need to check in with her about this. IF she does want to explore this, you both need to think very carefully first what the implications of this are for you both and neither of you should go ahead if you are having doubts. Don't forget to include thinking about safety in terms of STIs and pregnancy and have clear boundaries in place with regards to what is and isn't ok for you both.

There is no reason why living out a fantasy would make it go away, unless the reality is a disappointment or has some other negative consequences perhaps. Arguably it could heighten excitement and lead to further escalation, but this is not guaranteed either. I suppose what I'm saying really is that it is difficult to predict, but you can't pin hopes on it 'going away'.

If you wife does have this fantasy, she may be satisfied to enjoy it in fantasy and sex play with you - that may be sufficient and certainly is the safest route to take from a number of perspectives.

Claire - SASHA

Reply to Sexologist

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