Posted by: TIRED | 2009-02-06


My boyfriend' s best friend constantly around. We never spend any time alone. I don' t even know how it feels seeing my boyfriend without his friend in the picture. I can' t discuss it with my boyfriend or he gets upset. He is around in weekdays, holidays, christmas, weekends ect. I really can' t take it anymore but me and my boyfriend really have a great relationship and i won' t give up on us just because his friend can' t have a life of his own. Talking is just not helping. Is there perhaps any other advice on what i can do about this situation except for breaking up with my partner? This is really getting out of hand and i don' t believe we can live our relationship to the fullest with a third wheel around ALL the time.

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Our expert says:
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I think you've answered your own question rather well. Back off somewhat, avoiding occasions when the hanger on will be --- hanging on. ANd when he asks why, gently and pleasantly explain that while of course his pal is a marvellous guy, you yearn to be able to spend time with your bf alone. And perhaps voice a kindly concern that by encouraging the pal to become so very dependent on him, your bf, with the nicest possible intentions, may actually be discouraging his pal from forming a life of his own, and the guy may be missing other opportunities to make more friends.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gem | 2009-02-09

U should get a life of ur own and stop hanging around ur bf so much.

Reply to Gem
Posted by: Steve | 2009-02-06

No, I know that it isn' t easy talking to him, but his reply will probably be that the guy has been around forever and he was good enough when we first started going out, why not anymore?

You are right in as much as you need to build your relationship. But he doesn' t see his mate as being a threat, and so doesn' t see why he should chase him away.

Reply to Steve
Posted by: TIRED | 2009-02-06

To be honest i don' t think this guy will get a life of his own or a girlfriend......not ever! He doesnt take care of his looks and girls hardly look his way. Its easy to say " talk to your boyfriend"  but its not, trust me. This friend always helps my boyfriend around the house and is a real handy man. Maybe i should just back off and when my bf asks me why i can tell him in a nice way. They have known each other for 10 years, he moved to Jhb for 2 years, then got retrenched and moved back to our town. But he has always been around

Reply to TIRED
Posted by: Steve | 2009-02-06

Take Tammy' s advice and potentially lose your boyfriend. You need to sort this with him and not his friend.

Just a quick question has his friend always been around?

Reply to Steve
Posted by: Tammy | 2009-02-06

so tell the friend how you feel, its your relationship NOT his. maybe he should get a girlfriend. he also doesnt seem to respect your relationship otherwise he would no that you guys need time alone! sounds like a bit of a leech if you ask me!
tell him, why keep quiet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Tammy

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