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Question
Posted by: s | 2011/02/08

negativity issues

Dear CS
please help me, i seem to be surrounded by negativity and i feel whenever i start something , i never see the end as people close to me like my mom come to know about it, and all of a sudden i stop. eg like i start this rigourous exercise regime, and once she comes to know she is like you are not overweight why are you doing this i am actually in the obese category at present, how do i get away from this situation, or if i am studying basically anything i do she wants to put her two cents worth, she is a very controlling person and even though i m married she wants to control me 24/7 and the worst part we work at the same company so i see her throughout the day, but live independantly, how do i sort this out

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If I understand you, you are being bothered by the negativity of others ? And primarily your over-controlling mother ? Its unfortunate that you work in the same company, but you are married and presumably not living with her. Its unlikely that you will be able to change her behaviour - which she probably sees as only helpful and only meant to be in your own best interests. And at her age, such major changes in the interfering habits of a lifetime is unlikely.
Fortunately, that is not necessary. Firstly try wherever possible just not to inform her of things not her business - why tell her you have chosen very sensibly to start an exercise program ? Who cares what she thinks of the idea - its not her health you are improving, but your own. And when she does offer unsolicited and unhelpful advice, just ignore it ; listen with half an ear ( so you can choose suitable points at which to say : "Really ?" and "Uh-huh!", and pay not attention to it. Treat it like a neighbour's dog barking - something that doesn't deserve your attention let alone for you to worry about what is being said.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sam | 2011/02/08

Havent u posted this problem before?

Reply to Sam
Posted by: Sam | 2011/02/08

Reply to Sam
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/08

If I understand you, you are being bothered by the negativity of others ? And primarily your over-controlling mother ? Its unfortunate that you work in the same company, but you are married and presumably not living with her. Its unlikely that you will be able to change her behaviour - which she probably sees as only helpful and only meant to be in your own best interests. And at her age, such major changes in the interfering habits of a lifetime is unlikely.
Fortunately, that is not necessary. Firstly try wherever possible just not to inform her of things not her business - why tell her you have chosen very sensibly to start an exercise program ? Who cares what she thinks of the idea - its not her health you are improving, but your own. And when she does offer unsolicited and unhelpful advice, just ignore it ; listen with half an ear ( so you can choose suitable points at which to say : "Really ?" and "Uh-huh!", and pay not attention to it. Treat it like a neighbour's dog barking - something that doesn't deserve your attention let alone for you to worry about what is being said.

Reply to cybershrink

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