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Question
Posted by: Unknown | 2010/11/18

Negative husband

I have been together with my husband for 8 years now. In the last 2 years of our lives, he is very negative towards me. He has never got anything nice to say to me anymore. Everything i do for him seems to be wrong, even what i do for our kids, the way i am a mother is wrong in his eyes. He never sees any good in me. He has this saying that i F.... up everything that i try and do. I have this terrible complex about myself that i am a good for nothing and will never amount to anything, because he is constantly saying that i am doing everything wrong. What can i do, it is terring me up inside. I have no-one to talk to about, as he forbids me to talk to anyone, including my fammily, and i dont have friends. So, i bottle everything up inside and i could sometimes just jump off a very high building. I love him so much and dont even think of divorce, i have made a promise to be his wife till death, but sometimes i wish that death would come quick for me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Is he like this towards other people, or only towards you ? And you seem to date this from 2 years ago, in an 8 year mariage - what else happened in your lives, and particularly in his, about 2 years ago, when he changed ?
Ignore his absurd insistance that you can't talk to anyone including your family - remind him that slavery was abolished many years ago, and your basic human rights cannot be ignored. DO discuss this situation and your feelings of desperation with your family and with your GP, and if possible with a psychiatrist, as such suicidal thoughts should always be taken seriously.
You are describing a desperately depressed state ( very understandably, living with a cruelly tyranical man ) - but what on earth do you find to love about someone so ugly in his soul ? He seems to have ignored all the vows HE made in the marriage ( remember the bits about "love honour and obey " ? ) Maybe contact a group like POWA which helps and advises abused women, because what you are describing is truly abusive

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2010/11/18

What you''re describing is definitely abuse. Plain and simple. If he loved you he would not be acting this way. What happened two years ago? Anything specific you know of?

It sounds like he has a low self-esteem and by trying to make you look bad, he might feel better about himself.

I want you to seriously consider going for counseling - specifically at POWA who will be able to help you get out of this terrible situation. Don''t do it tomorrow - do it today! Do it for the sake of your children because they see their father behaving this way and then they think its okay. When it is definitely NOT okay.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/11/18

You are in an abusive &  dangerous marriage. Cutting you off from any external contacts/influence means you''ll believe whatever he says. Since you''ll have no one to consult. Yes everything you do will be wrong in his eyes because he wants you to hunger for his approval. He wants you to believe that you need his approval in everything you do, which renders him full control over you.

You have only one option here. Leave. You are not doing your kids any justice either by putting up with the abuse.
The " till death do us apart"  is a problem because you are the one who will be killed first.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/18

Is he like this towards other people, or only towards you ? And you seem to date this from 2 years ago, in an 8 year mariage - what else happened in your lives, and particularly in his, about 2 years ago, when he changed ?
Ignore his absurd insistance that you can't talk to anyone including your family - remind him that slavery was abolished many years ago, and your basic human rights cannot be ignored. DO discuss this situation and your feelings of desperation with your family and with your GP, and if possible with a psychiatrist, as such suicidal thoughts should always be taken seriously.
You are describing a desperately depressed state ( very understandably, living with a cruelly tyranical man ) - but what on earth do you find to love about someone so ugly in his soul ? He seems to have ignored all the vows HE made in the marriage ( remember the bits about "love honour and obey " ? ) Maybe contact a group like POWA which helps and advises abused women, because what you are describing is truly abusive

Reply to cybershrink

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