Our expert says:
This sounds like a major depression, with maybe a longer habit of negative thinking and negative interpretatiopn of everything he encounters. It must, indeed, FEEL as though it's about you, but it may not be, at all. Right now, he may be unable to do what you, quite reasonably, are expecting of him - but with proper treatment ( and I suspect he will need proper psychotherapy, perhaps of the CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy format ) as well as medication, to recover from this illness, he may surprise you by returning to the sort of man he presumably was before all this, maybe better.
sometimes a very depressed person wihdraws from you, both because he feels unable to live up to your expectations, and because he almost fears he might contaminate you with his misery.
Of course it is very frustrating when you feel frozen out and as though you are being prevented from helping. Maybe within his business is the only area where he still feel even a bit competent ?
Someone so depressed and negative is highly unlikely to get involved in any extra-marital affairs. It sounds as though his Ex hurt him very deeply, and yet when drunk ( and alcohol is of course very likely to worsen depression and reduce the efficacy of its treatment ), he may think back to the good times in that marriage, something he knows he has altogether lost.
Obviously he would usually see his psychiatrist alone, but do ask if you can see the shrink at least once, bot to explain your point of view, to better understand how the shrink assesses his situation, and how he recommends that you help promote your husband's recovery.
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