advertisement
Question
Posted by: Freedom | 2012-09-04

Needing space

Dear Doc , sorry for my long post
I just need some survivol tips and some advice from you please. I am married for almost 15 years , it was not a happy marraige , my hb has a drinking problem and never knows when to stop when ever the occasion arises , and sometimes he did not need any ocassion he just drank , I dont know if I can say he is an alch but his drinking behaviour was the biggest problem in our marriage, from passing out sometimes , or getting sick , driving under the influence , staying out late drinking etc. About 6 years ago I filed for divorce , I did not proceed , he promised that he will change and that he loves me and the kids to much to live without us. We ended up going for marraige counseling and it was good for a couple of months and gradually he just slipped into his old ways of drinking behaviour etc. During these times I pleaded , cried , faught , prayed , supported as much as I could untill I just could not anymyore and all my love and hope for him and this marraige has now ended. My heart has become hard and I don''t love him anymore , I have been so sad and crying and heart broken but I think that this is normal and I am mourning. I have told him that I don''t love him anymore and that I never will , I have asked him to move out but he can''t he has no money ,I have not been to a lawyer yet , becuase I don''t have enough money now (for divorce and at least 1 - 2 months rent) so I just I have to wait till December when I will have some extra money for a lawyer , I am also scared that he will - out of spite- not pay maintenance so I can save some money now and be a bit more prepared. We still sleep in the same bed (not doing anything) , we don''t have an extra bedroom , I cant sleep at night , it feels like I can''t breath and my stomach is burning , he sends me emails every day saying he loves me and that I must have a nice day, and that he can''t live without me and the kids he also swears that he will never ever drink ever again .... I will never believe a single word coming out of his mouth ever again , how can I survive these month untill I see the lawyer ? I think he will only realise that I am serious when he gets the summons (again !)

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Too often people get tied up in debates about whether or not someone is an Alcoholic, usually, on the part of the alcoholic, an attempt to avoid facing up to the problems their excessive drinking cause.
There is surely very little doubt that the man you describe is a Problem Drinker.
As for needing legal advice, see whether there's a free Law Clinic a your nearest University Law School, and check with your local Law Society, as hey have at times offered a free initial consultation to people in need, with various local attorneys.
Maybe even a group like POWA could recognize that you were psychologically abused and might be able to help, too.
A court can be asked to assess him for maintenance, and compel him tom pay if it considers him liable, as it should, and the court can decide in relation to his earnings, how much he should pay.
All alcohilics swear they will never drink again. And mayhbe even at times they think they mean it. But they alway drink again unless they get sincerelyminvolved in proper rehab and treatment.
Don't relent in your intentions to protect yourself, on the basis of such unreliable promises or even protestastions of love, when their love for the booze is always greater than their love for any person.
Chek with your local or regional AA, as some groups also provide an Al-Anon service for family's of alcoho;lics, which could be useful for you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-09-04

Too often people get tied up in debates about whether or not someone is an Alcoholic, usually, on the part of the alcoholic, an attempt to avoid facing up to the problems their excessive drinking cause.
There is surely very little doubt that the man you describe is a Problem Drinker.
As for needing legal advice, see whether there's a free Law Clinic a your nearest University Law School, and check with your local Law Society, as hey have at times offered a free initial consultation to people in need, with various local attorneys.
Maybe even a group like POWA could recognize that you were psychologically abused and might be able to help, too.
A court can be asked to assess him for maintenance, and compel him tom pay if it considers him liable, as it should, and the court can decide in relation to his earnings, how much he should pay.
All alcohilics swear they will never drink again. And mayhbe even at times they think they mean it. But they alway drink again unless they get sincerelyminvolved in proper rehab and treatment.
Don't relent in your intentions to protect yourself, on the basis of such unreliable promises or even protestastions of love, when their love for the booze is always greater than their love for any person.
Chek with your local or regional AA, as some groups also provide an Al-Anon service for family's of alcoho;lics, which could be useful for you.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement