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Posted by: Aims | 2009/01/22

Need some advice

My mother-in-law came to visit for a couple of days. Always when she comes she take the kitchen over. While I' m at work she cook up a storm in my kitchen. Anyway, the last 2 days she been braaing onion &  tomatoes for freezing, which I don' t mind. When i got home I asked her if should cooked onion again because the whole house stank like onion. She was very short and said yes! Later she ran to my husband all upset because I said the house stinks. He came to me and start calling me names, like, I' m an un-thankful bitch etc. This carried on the whole night and this morning. When I woke up he started again so i snapped, I ran downstairs and start yelling at her saying she stirring between me and my husband. She would love if I loose my baby. I was really upset.. I left home without speaking to her further.
For 6 yrs I' ve been keeping my mouth shut, but this morning I couldn' t anymore. I just needed to vent. I really think after this my husband would leave and i will never see MIL again.
Anyway, just needed to share!
Aims

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Our expert says:
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If she's cooking onions because she has an obsession with cooking onions, then she's doing it for HERSELF< and you have nothing to be grateful for. IF you need cooked onions, and ask her to help cook them, then you can be grateful if she helps you. And in situations like this, when a whole set of relationships seem threatened buy something as trivial as onions, you can know that there are fat more points of concern and friction, and the onions were just one event that stirred up and released some of the resentments thaty are lurking already. Marriage and family therapy / counselling, even a few sessions, could help, but they'd probablty refuse to take part, p[referring to see it as all about you being unreasonable.
??? makes excellent sense. MIL may indeed have been unthinking and annoying to you, without ever actually intending that --- she probably felt she was being helpful, and felt very hurt and unappreciated. Your husband probably also felt she was being helpful, and may find it hard to understand your reaction. You had very reasonable reasons for feeling upset, probably exaggerated by the raging hormones of pregnancy.
I suspect that if you go home calmly this-evening, and apologise for causing so much upset ( and that's a fair apology --- you did not intend to cause the upset ) --- they may well not only accept it, but even apologise to a degree and in different ways, themselves.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Honest | 2009/01/22

there would always be this little things that happens with a MIL but these little things can lead to very bad consequences between you and your hubby and the kids and it is totally pointless MIL and DIL fight all the time while hubby is not doing anything about it. While is is the reason that this is happening. he should put his foot down not you. MIL means to make trouble but when being confronted they act totally innocent and make as if they did not mean it like that and then their son snaps at the wife and she succeeded. Cannot really give you the correct advise as I have not even found a remedi for myself.

Reply to Honest
Posted by: Aims | 2009/01/22

MK - My point exactly - his mommy' s boy (only child). I tried for the last 6 yrs but seems its going to and end.. eronic, now that my pregnant with the 2nd one.
Aims

Reply to Aims
Posted by: mk | 2009/01/22

But your husband has no right to insult you just because you let slip that YOUR house stinks of onions.

Reply to mk
Posted by: Aims | 2009/01/22

Thanx guys... that' s what shocked me as I didn' t mean anything by saying the house stinks! I just made conversation but yes she' s always biting me and I always have to bite on my lip! I can' t say anything about my MIL and then my hubby is on my case. At this moment I which both of them would leave and live happily together... they deserve each other!!
Aims

Reply to Aims
Posted by: Honest | 2009/01/22

If you are saying that you have been keeping your mouth shut for 6 years, I gather that the " conflict"  is deeper than just onions. My honest opinion, she could have sorted out the onion story with you without going to your husband. I mean it could not have been that bad! I think that she done that intentionally to stir. I have a MIL too and she' s done the same to me even worse. She contacted me to have an innocent chat about her son and then went behind my back and made as if I was bad mouthing him which led to a bit of bitterness in my marriage. Luckily your situation is just onions :-) I agree with Dr go and apologise but please be on your alert by concentrating on what she is really trying... GOOD LUCK WITH THE PREGNANCY!

Reply to Honest
Posted by: ??? | 2009/01/22

Your MIL obviously hit a nerve. I guess she thought she was just helping you and spoiling you in the process. I know MIL' s can be a huge pain, but I don' t think she meant any harm. You are pregnant and maybe the smell of braaing onions left you feeling a bit sick? Your husband obviously feels that you overreacted, but calling you names are not the way to sort this out. I really don' t think she will love it if you loose your baby and quite frankly my dear, it is not that easy to lose your baby! Go home tonight and apologise for your over reaction this morning and blame it on the hormones. Apologise to your husband as well. Tolerate her, she doesn' t stay with you and she meant well.

Reply to ???

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