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Question
Posted by: Lina | 2011-02-10

Need serious and legal advice

Hi, I have been living with my partner for nearly 7 years awe have 2 kids aged 2 and a half and 14 months. We are not married and the kids has his surname. Things are not going so good and I want to leave him. I have been jobless for over a year but have been a house wife for that time taking care of the housework, cooking and looking after the kids as we cant afford to put them in a creche. He has said that I must go look for work in JHB (we moved from JHB to KZN becasue he was transferred here - I had a very good job in JHB that I gave up.) during that time he will keep the kids here with him - put them in a creche.

I am a bit worried because I dont trust him, as hard as that is to say. He is very immeture and thinks spending 10 mins with the kids when he gets home is quality time. I am affraid of leaving the kids with him and also I am affraid of him. He has threatened me many times that he will make sure that I never get to see the kids if I break up with him.

What do I do, as he is the bread winner at the moment. He has said in the past " jokingly"  that if we break up he wont pay anything towards the kids until a court tells him so just to spite me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageFamily law expert

In terms of the Domestic Violence Act you will be able to lodge an application for emergency monetary relief. I suggest that you go to your nearest magistrate's court to get such an order in place to tie you over pending a maintenance application. You will need to draft a schedule of your and the children's expenses and submit same with your application.

Bertus Preller
B.Proc; AD Dip L Law
Family Law Attorney
Abrahams and Gross Inc.
E: bertus@divorceattorney.co.za
W: http://www.divorceattorney.co.za
Twitter: www.twitter/edivorce
Facebook: www.facebook.com/divorceattorneys
Skype: divorceattorney

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lee | 2011-02-14

Lina,
Im in the same position myslef. Also in Kzn, my entire family and support system is up in JHB.

If you can get your old job back then thats wonderful. Maybe find a temp place to stay and take the kids with you. Do you not have famiy in Jhb that can give you some sort of assistance.

Remember there are MANY single mothers out there, and you can do it to! Dont let financial worry be your reason to stay!

Reply to Lee
Posted by: Lina | 2011-02-12

Thx for the advice, I ive near Pinetown. So I guess I cant just take the kids with me and sort the details out with him. My old boss said they will give me my old job back.

Reply to Lina
Posted by: FIO | 2011-02-10

You both have full and equal responsibilities and rights in respect of the children. That means whether he likes it or not, he has to pay maintenance for them, or vice versa you would have to pay him maintenance, depending on where the kids live.

Since you are not married, you cant go for a divorce.

In terms of the Childrens Act, in a case where there is a dispute as to how the responsibilities and rights are to be exercised, you have to seek mediation or counselling or something before you even think about starting to fight over the kids. Its quite simple, this is what the law says, and this is what you must do. The objective is to draw up a parenting plan. This may or may not include a maintenance agreement. If not, then this you would have to sort out through the maintenance court.

If he has every threatened you in the past, or refused to pay maintenance, and you have proof of this, it gives a clear indication of his personality type. Teh result of this may be that it would be in the best interests of the children to go with you.

This is the problem at the moment with the law, there is nothing stopping you from doing what you want to do, and same for him. hence the need to draft a parenting plan and have it made an order of the court.

At the end of the day, its not about what you want or about what he wants, its about what is best for the children. And to help determine this I would suggest having your situation evaluated by Family Advocate or a psychologist, and use this report in mediation to motivate why the kids should come with you, if the report indicates so.

What part of KZN are you in?

Reply to FIO
Posted by: family law expert | 2011-02-10

In terms of the Domestic Violence Act you will be able to lodge an application for emergency monetary relief. I suggest that you go to your nearest magistrate's court to get such an order in place to tie you over pending a maintenance application. You will need to draft a schedule of your and the children's expenses and submit same with your application.

Bertus Preller
B.Proc; AD Dip L Law
Family Law Attorney
Abrahams and Gross Inc.
E: bertus@divorceattorney.co.za
W: http://www.divorceattorney.co.za
Twitter: www.twitter/edivorce
Facebook: www.facebook.com/divorceattorneys
Skype: divorceattorney

Reply to family law expert

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