advertisement
Question
Posted by: Petra | 2011/05/30

need help

Dear Dr, I was told of your website and hope you can help. My dad, who has always been a healthy, spritely man, was recently injured and the pain, in conjunction with living with my mother who has Alzheimers, is sucking the life out of him. As an only child I''m extremely close to him, and feel as if my own life is coming to an end as I see him losing his grip. I can''t sleep, can''t function properly, and am becoming a terribly mentally absent, and very emotional, mother to my children, due to the unbearable stress I''m having at watching my dad suffering and at the thought of losing him. Things have been bad and stressful enough over the past year with my mother. Please tell me how to deal with this.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Any of us can, of course, be severely affected by the stress of our own pain and health problems, and by those of others. And I know, from direct personal experience, the tragedy and chronic stres of caring for someone with developing dementia.
It is indeed also stressful and sad to watch someone we love going through such problems. But we need to recognize that allowing ourselves to become unduly distresed and troubled by this makes us LESS of a support and assistance to that person, not more. It would be very wise for you to see a personal counsellor to work through all the issues that this situation has roused in you, wand this would benefit you, your dad, your mom, your children and husband.
With counselling one can learn to cope better with unavoidable stresses and anxieties, and to avoid the avoidable ones ; to enable oneself to be as useful as possible to those who rely on us and need us, without damagingly blaming oneself for not being able to be useful to them in impossible ways

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2011/05/31

The cause of the way you feel is the pressure your father has to endure as a result of your mother''s illness.
I feel you need to address the " cause" .
Find out if it is not possible to have your parents moved to a " home"  where they are supervised and cared for.
This will be good for your mother as she will receive proper care. Good for your father as the pressure will be off him and of course, slefexplanatory why it is good for you

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/31

Any of us can, of course, be severely affected by the stress of our own pain and health problems, and by those of others. And I know, from direct personal experience, the tragedy and chronic stres of caring for someone with developing dementia.
It is indeed also stressful and sad to watch someone we love going through such problems. But we need to recognize that allowing ourselves to become unduly distresed and troubled by this makes us LESS of a support and assistance to that person, not more. It would be very wise for you to see a personal counsellor to work through all the issues that this situation has roused in you, wand this would benefit you, your dad, your mom, your children and husband.
With counselling one can learn to cope better with unavoidable stresses and anxieties, and to avoid the avoidable ones ; to enable oneself to be as useful as possible to those who rely on us and need us, without damagingly blaming oneself for not being able to be useful to them in impossible ways

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement