advertisement
Question
Posted by: SUSAN | 2012-04-13

NEED ANSWERS

So if by four and a half years your boyfriend can still not commit and ask you to move in or marry you is it time to move on? I dont know what to do. My gut tells me he never will but I live in hope that someday he might ask me. I am attractive, have a great job, fit and active yet I have resorted to having to ask for more committment. That in itself is just wrong. What is wrong with the men out there?. He has been married before and I understand he might have some issues but not after so long - surely? Can I set a date for an answer?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

More women live in Hope than live in Johannesburg and Cape Town put together.
Making it clear that you expect long-term commitment is of course not unreasonable or wrong at all. Some people who have had a previous unhappy marriage are understandably hesitant to commit again, but then should not be expecting a long term availability from anyone else without making committment.
How about some couples counselling to clarify what each of you expect and are prepared to provide ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Mdu | 2012-04-18

Sandra is my lady. Susan.............. is normal to have concerns and fears, please have your pride and don''t ask such a question. In that four years your patner passed a test to be a boyfriend and who told you that he can be a husband you need? Remember there is no test drive and be warned........divorce is one experience you don''t need. God knows your needs and wants, now committment is a want please invite God in that big step you wishing for....................Good luck.

Reply to Mdu
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-04-14

More women live in Hope than live in Johannesburg and Cape Town put together.
Making it clear that you expect long-term commitment is of course not unreasonable or wrong at all. Some people who have had a previous unhappy marriage are understandably hesitant to commit again, but then should not be expecting a long term availability from anyone else without making committment.
How about some couples counselling to clarify what each of you expect and are prepared to provide ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Phil | 2012-04-13

Your question on how long can one be affraid to commit. Valid question  I''m 39 and going on over 3 years still don''t want or even missing a relationship. Infact  don''t think I will ever get married again. Maybe the FWB will the way forever.
My point is  he should not string you along. It''s not fair on you  so ask him if he is ever going to be ready?
Unfortuanely  not all but most people that got hurt or got divorced are damaged goods. In some way or another. Hurt  leaves scars and fears.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Cuddles | 2012-04-13

I disagree with Sandra. A lot of women want commitment in the form of marriage.

Yes, it works for some couples, but generally speaking most women want to feel secure in a relationship and plan the future.

I don''t know how old you are, but surely you want kids in the future, buy a house together etc.

The thing that is worrying me, is that he hasn''t even asked you to move in yet.

I would also begin to get impatient and frustrated with his unwillingness to commit. He can''t have his bread buttered on bith sides.

Please do yourself a favour and ask him if he plans to commit in the near future, and decide from there.

Reply to Cuddles
Posted by: Sandra | 2012-04-13

Love conquers all. If you are happy and inlove and if you also believe that he loves you why worry about marriage and movng in. If i were you i will ask him if he has any plans of marrying you one day but hey I know of couples that dated for ten long years and they just got married in 2010 during the world cup and they are happy and have always been happy. Marriage is just a formality but love is all that we need

Reply to Sandra

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement