Posted by: CONFUSSED | 2009-10-12




i' m staying with BF and a baby of 14months. things were going well till 3 weeks back when he find out that i did a loan of R6000.00 without telling him, he that on my BS. I did a loan because i wanted to pay the school fees for 2 sibling at tertiary. I didn' t want to tell him as i knew he would furious, he doesn' t like debts. before he saw the Bank statement he asked me how many accounts do i have, and i told him and didn' t wanna mention the amount of the loan, i lied told him i made R2500 and explain that i wanted to pay school fees and i wanted to pay other acc of mine.

Few days later he find my BS in a bin, when i came from work he asked me again, ' how much did you loan?'  i told him the same answer. He got angry with it and i felt guilty about it why did i lie to, he said that i' m a liar, okay fine i felt guilty everyday i apologised.

After that he was like back to himself but always shutting himself in the bedroom not want to watch TV in a lounge like he' s bored. Last week i asked him if something is wrong or is it still about the loan he said no he' s fine the loan thing is over. But he' s changed, his phone on silent, he' s so jumpy when i walk in the bedroom while smsing, he comes late at home he said he' s busy and this weekend and last weekend was working the whole of weekend. He' s so distant.

On thursday i find a deposit slip in his pocket, he paid R800 FOR A Credit card for this person i don' t know even the surname it was the first i saw surname like that. I searched his phone find a number i don' t know and phoned the number, a female answered the phone and i dropped it i' m so scared.

My sister told me that she dreamed him cheating on me and my baby was sick and i was tested HIV positive.

I' m so scred pls advise and pls forgive me fro such a long post!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry, folks, but as I have to rush to Durban for an emergency, this forum was supposed to have been closed from Noon Monday, and has only been left open by mistake. So it will be extremely difficult for me to respond to all questions before Friday.
This is a good illustration of why lying, even with good motives, often creates worse problems. Ultimately, if this i YOUR money, mit's your right to decide how to spend it ; if it is his money obviously he should have been consulted and informed. But now it sounds as though he has also been dishonest in informing you about his finances, or at least has not fully disclosed his other obligations, which could be highly relevant to you.
Talk it out between you, or with family help, or with the help of a couples counsellor.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: almost mad | 2009-10-12

Wow, thats hectic. These two things seem so unrelated. So either he is working overtime to help get rid of the debt or he is cheating, in which case you should either as him or use a condom if you decide to stay. Unless he has a track record of working overtime, he probably is cheating and you have aright to know if he has found someone. If he can call you out on your loan, then you have a right to ask about the credit card payment.

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