Our expert says:
Promises to change are usually worth very little --- as I often say, don't just listen to what he says --- listen to what he DOES. If you saw a proper psychiatrist or at least a gopd GP, and they wanted to admit you to hospital, it swould have been wise to follow their advice, and use the opportunity to discuss the problems in more detail and to start treatment. Yes, antidepressants, while useful in treating properly diagnosed depression, don't help when your situation in life is making you miserable.
Anyhow, while of course you're right that you both need help, separately and together, if he is unwilling, at least start by getting proper help for yourself. And from a psychiatrist / p;sychologist, not a GP< as you need someone with more training and skill.
As to how to handle the arguments, etc. although what you try to do makes sense, it clearly does not work, and may be exacerbating the situation. Often it can be more useful to discuss such events afterwards when both of you are calmer, than to try to have a complex discussion when everyone is high;y upset.
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