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Question
Posted by: Librix | 2010/01/19

Need Advice !!! NB !!!

I married to a beautiful Wife, who is not into sex or making love, as I am. Probably due to our problems, or her given birth 6months back to our beautiful daughter.
The MAIN problem is me  could I be addicted to SEX? Some say masturbation is good, others say it’ s bad. I do it every day, to relieve stress, or so I hope. But I want my wife!, but I will not force her. Could there be a hormone depressor that would make me much less hornier, could there be a way to stop fantasising about sex. Could this be a problem that might lead to having an affair?
PLEASE HELP

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

This is a common post-natal experience and may be due to several factors:
1. the hormones during breastfeeding, or the act of breastfeeding may dampen sexual interest
2. if your wife is suffering from post-natal depression, this will dampen her sexual interest and she may need some medical support
3. tiredness / exhaustion due to sleep deprivation frequently knocks sex down the priority list as her priority is likely to be the baby & building the 'family'.
4. difficulty adjusting to being a mother and the idea of being sexual as a mother may turn some people off.
5. resentment that her role as mother has changed you completely and she may feel that your life has remained largely the same (e.g. you can still go to gym or out with friends, but she may feel too guilty to or feel unable to because of breastfeeding or fear of having someone else look after the baby)
6. She may feel that all she does is meet other people's demands - the baby, work (if applicable), yours - not only could this reduce her libido as she is likely to feel drained, but also make it difficult for her to want to do anything about it because she just gives, gives, gives...
7. if your baby shares your bedroom or bed, she may feel inhibited.

Given the above list, it would be helpful to discuss possible reasons (i.e. most likely more than one) for her loss in sexual interest. It may be that she needs you to change some things for her to be more available to be sexual. It may be that she needs to think more about the importance of caring about your needs as well as that of the baby - this is easier to do if she sees that you are also working hard to meet her needs too (not just financial, but emotional).

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010/01/24

This is a common post-natal experience and may be due to several factors:
1. the hormones during breastfeeding, or the act of breastfeeding may dampen sexual interest
2. if your wife is suffering from post-natal depression, this will dampen her sexual interest and she may need some medical support
3. tiredness / exhaustion due to sleep deprivation frequently knocks sex down the priority list as her priority is likely to be the baby & building the 'family'.
4. difficulty adjusting to being a mother and the idea of being sexual as a mother may turn some people off.
5. resentment that her role as mother has changed you completely and she may feel that your life has remained largely the same (e.g. you can still go to gym or out with friends, but she may feel too guilty to or feel unable to because of breastfeeding or fear of having someone else look after the baby)
6. She may feel that all she does is meet other people's demands - the baby, work (if applicable), yours - not only could this reduce her libido as she is likely to feel drained, but also make it difficult for her to want to do anything about it because she just gives, gives, gives...
7. if your baby shares your bedroom or bed, she may feel inhibited.

Given the above list, it would be helpful to discuss possible reasons (i.e. most likely more than one) for her loss in sexual interest. It may be that she needs you to change some things for her to be more available to be sexual. It may be that she needs to think more about the importance of caring about your needs as well as that of the baby - this is easier to do if she sees that you are also working hard to meet her needs too (not just financial, but emotional).

Reply to Sexologist
Posted by: Been there | 2010/01/19

Sorry pal, its a bad one. Masturbating is fine, but I know how you feel about missing the real thing. I' m in the same position although much older than you. The womenfolk are really strange beings with their hormones playing havoc with their emotions and the tendency to go right off sex permanently, I' m going on about 5 years now. Even being older I miss the sex big time, so for your younger guys it must be really bad. The sad part is that often the women do not WANT to do anything about getting their libido up and running and are quite content to go for years without sex. They are often disinclined to even talk about it. They do not realise that us guys, yes even the old balies, NEED IT and it can build up where one does stray. I know its not good advice, but I can see how it happens.I admire these young ladies with their tight butts and firm boobs, and can just imagine years past !! Good luck !!

Reply to Been there
Posted by: Juju | 2010/01/19

I read in most websites that most men do not cheat because they are unhappy at home, but woman will cheat if they are unhappy. Men normally cheat because they choose to act on their feelings.

It is sade that your wife even after six months of child birth won' t have sex, it happens often. The problem is with her not you, maybe she' s still going through post-natal depression, in that case she needs help.

As woman as I am this is when I would tell a man to tell your wife that you' re a man and you have needs! Tell her you understand that childbirth can be traumatic hence her law lobido, but it won' t just go away unless she does something about it.

Reply to Juju

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