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Question
Posted by: John | 2011/10/21

Need Advice

Sex life is just ok ,maby 1 a week. But wife plays with vibrator at least once a week ,and thinks I dont know about it

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

I assume that since your only evidence for her using her vibrator is her accessing the safe, that this means it is the only item in the safe, and you are certain she isn't accessing other things...?

You have received a lot of advice from the public already, some of it quite good - I'd suggest that instead of trying to guess, you ASK her. Try to have an open-minded approach when asking her (confrontational approach may frighten or embarrass her) and if your suspicions are true, ask about her reasons for this so that you can dispell any misapprehensions you are holding (i.e. that she is is unsatisfied in some way with you or the sexual relationship). As someone else suggested, it is likely that you masturbate too, so perhaps this is her way of meeting her own needs...

Claire - SASHA
For further information please consult SASHA's website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sexologist | 2011/10/22

I assume that since your only evidence for her using her vibrator is her accessing the safe, that this means it is the only item in the safe, and you are certain she isn't accessing other things...?

You have received a lot of advice from the public already, some of it quite good - I'd suggest that instead of trying to guess, you ASK her. Try to have an open-minded approach when asking her (confrontational approach may frighten or embarrass her) and if your suspicions are true, ask about her reasons for this so that you can dispell any misapprehensions you are holding (i.e. that she is is unsatisfied in some way with you or the sexual relationship). As someone else suggested, it is likely that you masturbate too, so perhaps this is her way of meeting her own needs...

Claire - SASHA
For further information please consult SASHA's website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

Reply to Sexologist
Posted by: Chris758 | 2011/10/21

John, bad news for you. She tasted the forbidden fruit and I am sure she still fantasizes about the other guy!! All I can say is that she does not want to have sex with you anymore.

I also think you shoul go for councilling because of the affair and the feelings by both of you after that!!

Reply to Chris758
Posted by: XXX | 2011/10/21

If she is turning you down for sex then I think you can question her BUT otherwise it is not really a problem.You probably masturbate occasionally,so is there a difference !
Having an affair is different though,if there are signs then chat to her about it.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: John | 2011/10/21

A long story ...... Not getting enough emotional support from me ... but it is BS . With a guy at work

Reply to John
Posted by: M | 2011/10/21

Maybe she does prefer them over you... why did she have an affair?

Reply to M
Posted by: John | 2011/10/21

Thanx for advice Mj We use the toys a lot and i dont have a problem with them or if she uses it My problem is that it feels like she would rather play with her toy that sex with me ,why is sex an isue but she plays with her self once or twice a week?

Reply to John
Posted by: Mj | 2011/10/21

you need to keep in mind that the stimulation provided during intercourse and that provided by a vibrator are very different.

she may every now and then feel the need to use her vibrator, we live in a time and age where being sexual is no longer taboo, especially for a woman.

also, keeping the sex toys in the safe, shows that they are not often used, make the use of it with her something more open, that she will feel that she can share that experience with you, surprise her by taking it out and pleasure her solely, i know its hard to do that, and that you will be tempted to have intercourse, but stop yourself, and treat her to a night of pleasure just for her without expecting anything in return.

if you make her feel that using sex toys if not something she needs to hide, then maybe she will be more inclined to share her experience with you.

at the end of the day, cheating or not... the point is to move on possitively forward from where you have both been...trying something new might not be that much of a bad idea.

Best of luck hun

Reply to Mj
Posted by: Ty | 2011/10/21

personally I would suggest that both of you should go to counselling, the affair part is worrying to me

Reply to Ty
Posted by: John | 2011/10/21

She had an affair a year ago for 1.5 years And yes i do bring her to ogasm ... or she fakes it?? The toys are in the safe and i can c when she opend the safe And yes it does bother me .... why if she is horny and she knows i like sex doesnt she just tle me she was horny and couldnt wait........

Reply to John
Posted by: Ty | 2011/10/21

John when you have sex with your wife do you bring her to orgasm?

Reply to Ty
Posted by: realis | 2011/10/21

John get over yourself at least she is not playing with another guy grow some balls and deal with it does a vibrator threaten your manhood and make you insecure

Reply to realis
Posted by: ? | 2011/10/21

Just curious how do you see she has played with it ??

Reply to ?
Posted by: John | 2011/10/21

She does it with out me and does not tell me I can see that she played with the vibrator and it hurts it does not turn me on if she does it with out me

Reply to John
Posted by: Topdog | 2011/10/21

So wat seems to be the problem,That shud be a major turn on for u,When u see her doing that join her and see the results....

Reply to Topdog

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