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Question
Posted by: Mom | 2011/01/24

need advice

Hi, my son is 14. very well balanced at school and home. does well at academics and sport. have never had any real issues up to now. he goes to a school in a very good area and a lot of the kids are far better off financially than us. Last year we moved to a new house in a not so upmarket area. in the past few months he has become very nervous in this house and every night takes a mattress to his sisters room to sleep. He says he does not have a good feeling?? I have moved him from the one room to the other to be nearer us but he still does the same thing? He wants us to move house which is not really an option
Now I am starting to wonder - is he really scared at night or is this a grand plan to get us to maybe move to a better area (although he knows this is not possible at the moment) We have a lovely house, even have a pool - just the area does not compare to his friends? We have a stable home enviroment
I am really worried as I dont know for sure what the problem is? Any advice

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi there,

It can often be a dificult situation for young teenagers when they are at a stage of constant comparison with their peers. This of course includes the financial situation / possessions of their family versus their friends.

When he says he does not have a good feeling, ask him to elaborate on this - what does he mean? If he is saying he doesnt feel safe ask him why this is? Also if he says that it is about the area, ask him where he would prefer to live and if it correlates with where his friends live then you may have your answer! Has he ever been subjected to any traumatic incidents in the home before that may explain his fears?

If it becomes apparent that this is about him feeling "less than" in relation to his peers I suggest that you speak with him about you understanding this pressure, but also the realities of your family life and family home. Importantly his real friends will be the ones that care about him and not where he lives. A difficult lesson to learn at 14 is that our self-esteem needs to be internal rather than based on who we are with or what we have externally.

Best wishes

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Samukelisiwe | 2011/04/27

Im a 18-year-old girl, amd just had a baby at the age of 17, i then started to use microvals for prevention, but now ive stopped my piriods, i think i might be pregnant again, im scared wat can i do

Reply to Samukelisiwe
Posted by: Ek Is | 2011/01/27

May be he watched horror movies too much may be he saw invaders/ghosts occupying the house and he might be imagining the whole thing! Remember they like to watch horror movies and end up having nightmares. Even though he''s 14 just stay with him in his room until he falls asleep may be for a week.

Reply to Ek Is
Posted by: Teen expert | 2011/01/24

Hi there,

It can often be a dificult situation for young teenagers when they are at a stage of constant comparison with their peers. This of course includes the financial situation / possessions of their family versus their friends.

When he says he does not have a good feeling, ask him to elaborate on this - what does he mean? If he is saying he doesnt feel safe ask him why this is? Also if he says that it is about the area, ask him where he would prefer to live and if it correlates with where his friends live then you may have your answer! Has he ever been subjected to any traumatic incidents in the home before that may explain his fears?

If it becomes apparent that this is about him feeling "less than" in relation to his peers I suggest that you speak with him about you understanding this pressure, but also the realities of your family life and family home. Importantly his real friends will be the ones that care about him and not where he lives. A difficult lesson to learn at 14 is that our self-esteem needs to be internal rather than based on who we are with or what we have externally.

Best wishes

Reply to Teen expert

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