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Question
Posted by: JL | 2008/07/03

Need advice

hey all,

here goes, I'm gay, never told anyone before so just a relief to say it. Basically just wanted some advice. There's a guy friend of mine, and like for the past 3 years I have loved him now but i'm like 95% sure he's not gay. Can't stop thinking about him, no matter what i try. What should i do? If I keep seeing him around it make it impossible to forget about him. If I don't see him I'm miserable and he's all i can think about. Any help would be much appreciated.


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi to you JL and thanks for posting. Falling in love with someone who's not available to you - such as someone who's married, or straight, or living in another city such as Hollywood - needs to be nipped in the bud before it becomes a pattern and possibly a way of dealing with a fear of intimacy. You can't live in a fantasy world - get real by taking a hard look at the situation, and as Des says, making a point of meeting other guys who will be more available to you in terms of a real intimate relationship. Your infatuation is keeping you from forming a functional and satisfying sexual and emotional relationship with someone else.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Des | 2008/07/04

The first one is always hard to forget about, listen try this test, go out there and get yourself interested in other guys and see if you feel the same about this friend. I went through the same thing, however I realised it was more a sense of comfort and lust I felt rather than love. You know this person so its natural to feel safe and comfortable with him, but once you go out there and meet other guys you will find its not that bad, go on to gay dating sites and mingle with some other people (Look who’s talking I should be taking my own advise...) Good luck

Reply to Des
Posted by: Happy1 | 2008/07/04

Hi JL

I agree with Jane. Maybe you should try telling him in confidence that you are gay. See what his reaction is. If he is fine with it, over time you might be able to make a move. If not, well then he was never really a friend at all.

Reply to Happy1
Posted by: Jane | 2008/07/04

If he is not gay and you make a move you will lose a friend. This is like any other love situation, gay or straight, where you fancy someone but the feelings are not returned. There is not really much you can do about it, you either just accept him as a friend or if that is too painful then you are going to have to try to avoid him.
Sorry, I know this is difficult and I am sure most of us have had unrequited feelings for someone at some time.

Reply to Jane

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