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Question
Posted by: Tarryn | 2008/07/17

Need a spine

I don' t value myself, and it shows. And so people at work think they can treat me as they wish. I need to learn to stop being so overly polite, to be much less accomodating and to be more confident. I' ve been so naive - thinking mostly the best of people.

How do I make the switch in my mind? The switch from goody-goody to tough cookie? I need balance here. Will CBS help? Is there something i can start doing in the meantime? Any good " bitching it up"  books I can read?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If you were able to make this "switch" in your mind, you would surely already have done so. COunselling, especially of the CBT form, is excellent for moving from super-subservient to assertive ( not aggressive ) and with a suitable enhancement of self-esteem. Bitching it up isn't helpful ( don't get too esteemed up about it !) --- look rather for assrtion and self-esteem in book content

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: miss goody goody 2 | 2008/07/22

WOW, I can' t believe it. When I read these messages, I read my own life. I have always been miss goody goody. I can' t say no to some one. Now everybody walks over me. (I am always the one that get the nitty gritty little odd jobs (that no one is willing to do) and I can' t say NO. So everybody always dumps everything on me.
Can someone please give me a tip on how to be more assertive???

Reply to miss goody goody 2
Posted by: Tarryn | 2008/07/17

Phew, am relieved to see I' m not the only one experiencing this. ' Me too' , I' ve been having the same thing with the boyfriend - he is clingy and he' s holding me back, and yet I can' t bring myself to break up with him and then ignore his pleas and tantrums. I always take him back.

Back to CBS for me.

Reply to Tarryn
Posted by: Kelly | 2008/07/17

Hey! that sounds like me!!!
Its like i really cant tell people off ,if i do end up doing it,i sound rude,offended,blunt and end up ruining what was left of the relationship.I just havnt figured out how to put people straight in a nice way like some ppl do.Straight to the point but politely. I end up going around the block and then what iv just said comes out all wrong and dsnt sound like what i actually meant to say!

So mostly i just keep quiet to save myself and thus ppl think they can walk over u

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Maria | 2008/07/17

Almost mad, being assertive is not the same as being rude, or a bad person. People will have more respect for you if you stand up for yourself in a polite way, than if you always give in.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/07/17

i cant handle it either. I get walked all over all the time. I want to be a good person...but sometimes i wonder if its really worth it when people dont treat you as you treat them.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: Me too | 2008/07/17

My gosh, you are talking about me. I am also like that. My ex-husband is walking all over me. And I have been trying to break up with a guy since April but he plays the guilt card all the time and wins. I also wish I can be tough sometimes but the tough words come to mind way after the soft words are out of the mouth, by then it' s too late.

Sorry I wasn' t of any help, I will also benefit from the help you get.

Reply to Me too

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