Our expert says:
OK. First of all, really terrible women never ever think they might be terrible.
Unfortunate ages, each at an age when kids often naturally become more annoying than usual, though for different reasons.
Have you tried recruiting the 16 yo, discussing the problem of her little sister's occasional bad behaviour, and how SHE ( 16 ) could help you in limiting this, and reducing it ? Asking how "we adults" could help the kid learn to behave better, and how WE can manage not to let her rouse us into problems ?
Say you know how the little one can be frustrating, and 16 will have found, as you do, that when you get angry and scream, it doesn't help at all.
With both of them, emphasize the marvellous fact of how well behaved they are much of the time, and how many people, and especially you as parents, admire them for doing that so well.
Always seek to encourage the good behaviour, and help it to grow, rather than just shouting at the bad behaviour.
Meds won't help you usefully, and inded some tranquillizers can be rather like getting drunk - they can make it harder for you to control the situation.
But some counselling with a psychologist can both help you to relax and control your own reactions, but also to plan more useful ways to plan to help them both control themsel;ves and maintain the excellent behaviour they're so capable of.
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