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Question
Posted by: Heartsore | 2010/09/05

Nasty 9 year old daughter.

I am in my 60''s and have a 9 year old daughter. My wife is a Continental and believes that children are sacosant, they must come first in everything, need not share if they do not want to to, its OK to butt into adult conversation,, help herself to food in the fridge and snacks as the fancy takes her. She continually makes very unkind remarks to me to my face, about certain physical disabilities I have and makes reference to " When you die"  etc. I get the impression that she really does not like me in spite of me going out my way to be nice to her. Its very frustrating for me as my wife believes that all of this is quite normal and that she will grow up to be a well adjusted person. I wonder ?? Why does she do this? Its really disspointing for me and I am not quite sure how to handle this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its not Continental, simply lousy ideas about child raising, which would raise spoiled and unpleasant, unpopular kids. From the sound of it the mother is just as selfish and rude indeed cruel, and trying to raise the child in her own unpleasant image.
Purple's suggestions are excellent - your wife needs to recognize that the child she is creating will be a nasty little monster for the rest of her life, because nobody else will accept her cruelty and selfishness.
Personally, I consider the sort of misguided and daft ideas your wife is practising to get pretty close to child abuse.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Heartsore | 2010/09/06

Thank you CS and Maria and Purple. That really says it all. I will have to try to break this cycle as I do see her heading one way and that is to a nastier teen and adult. Thank you

Reply to Heartsore
Posted by: PUrple | 2010/09/06

You need to sit with your wife and explain that you are not happy with the way your daughter treats you, and that if your daughter is treating other people that way too, then she is not going to have many friends (who genuinely like her) and is going to have a very difficult life ahead of her.

When your daughter treats you in a way that you find inappropriate, take away something that is valuable to her - such as an outing she was looking forward to, or don''t allow a friend who was going to be sleeping over to come over, or stop her favourite extra mural activity, or stop her pocket money for two weeks.
She needs to understand there is a consequence to bad behaviour, and you and your wife both need to enforce it.

Your daughter is in danger of being a self centred person who people will tolerate and not really like.
Ask your wife how often your daugther gets invited for play dates and birthday parties and how often people say no to her invitations. I''m willing to bet that people already don''t like her much.

Reply to PUrple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/06

Its not Continental, simply lousy ideas about child raising, which would raise spoiled and unpleasant, unpopular kids. From the sound of it the mother is just as selfish and rude indeed cruel, and trying to raise the child in her own unpleasant image.
Purple's suggestions are excellent - your wife needs to recognize that the child she is creating will be a nasty little monster for the rest of her life, because nobody else will accept her cruelty and selfishness.
Personally, I consider the sort of misguided and daft ideas your wife is practising to get pretty close to child abuse.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Maria | 2010/09/05

Your daughter behaves this way because she is allowed to. Children need love and boundaries, without boundaries they don''t feel safe and they act out. Your wife is doing your daughter no favours, she is not learning the life skills that are necessary to become a happy, well adjusted adult.

Reply to Maria

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