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Question
Posted by: Garfield | 2009/10/25

Narcissists

Hi CS,

I went to see the Psychologst on Friday (CBT). She said to me that my ex is a narcissist. And she said that before we see each other again next week I need to go look up Narcisssism and what it entails. She said that she thinks it would be useful for me as I appear to go for arcisssiatic personalities and if I could educate myself on that particular personality type, it could help me to recognize them &  stay away from them.

Funnily enough, when I was in touch with you a few years ago with my previous ex (the one before this one) you also mentoned that he sounded like an extreme narcissist. And I looked it up, but I dont think anything really sunk in (sorry CS!)

Anyway, when my Psych said that to me and started to explain a narcissistic personality, I began to think it described me. My Psych explained that a.) people may have narcisssistic traits without the being a narcissist  and b)  that part of being a Psychologist was getting a feel for the person you are counselling - and that she is pretty sure I have a tendancy towards falling for narcissistic personalities, rather than being one myself.

I am terrified that I am a narcassistc personality that uses other people &  fools myslef and others into believing that it is others that have the problem and not me.

Even though I have spent the whole weekend reading up narcissism - I can see that my last 3 partners hae definitely been narcisssts of differing degrees. But I feel at the same time that I definitely havesoe of the narcissistic traits ... BUT I definitely have huge empathy (too much a lot of the time) &  according to literature, if you have to ask, chances are, it' s not you.

Argh! CS, I just get scared because to believe I have been a victim a few times to extreme narcissists is difficult when I am a strong person, not a victim!

And what about the likes of Hitler/Mugabe .... I am sure they think there is nothing wrong with them, that it is other people ' misunderstanding' , not them!

How do I know I am not one of these people? Maybe I am so pathalogically manipulative that even I no longer know that I am manipulating the situation? Maybe een when I think " I am looking after other people, I am only dog it because of what I egt out of it myself ... you know that whole thing about no such thing as altruism?

So confused, I dont think i am bad person, but at the same time, I dont think any narcissist or pathological person does. I know I try and I really do FEEL other people &  try to make things better for them, but I knoe that I am also not a ' push-over'  .... my friends will often look to me to put other pushy people that are bothering them in their place (I do this effectively, but yet seem to remain a ' victim'  in my own relaionships?

Sorry CS, but I just dont understand it all ... I will continue seeing the psychologist and counsellor that I am, but welcome any help I can get from respected persons! (i.e. - you!)

Thanks CS,

Garfield

P.S. - Even as I ask that last question, in my mind I am thinking " attenion seeker"  ... but yet on the other hand, I am thinking, "  I come here when I need help, I am not on here the whole time, I try to sort it out myself"  Aaaargh, feel so embarrased and lost ...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Garfield,
Hey, sometimes we need to meet the same new idea more than once before we can let it sink in and understand it. So now we know to avoid Narcissists from now on, and construct a Narcissist-free Zone. ( and no reflecting pools, either, if I recall the story of the original Narcissus correctly ).
Your psychologist sounds wise and right, and I whiole you may have perhaps some narcissist traits ( and may have learned some of their bad habits over the years ), somehow a real narcissist never seems to agonize about being narcissist. And they never seem to feel embarrassed about it.
And don't flatter yourself that you have ( despite your obvious high intelligence, and I mean that ) such superhuman levels of sly inbtelligence that you are some sort of profound demonic narcissist who brilliantly counterfeits a different identity and projects it all onto others. Were you a card-carying narcissist, you would not have tolerated having such other narcissists in your life

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/10/26

Hi Garfield,
Hey, sometimes we need to meet the same new idea more than once before we can let it sink in and understand it. So now we know to avoid Narcissists from now on, and construct a Narcissist-free Zone. ( and no reflecting pools, either, if I recall the story of the original Narcissus correctly ).
Your psychologist sounds wise and right, and I whiole you may have perhaps some narcissist traits ( and may have learned some of their bad habits over the years ), somehow a real narcissist never seems to agonize about being narcissist. And they never seem to feel embarrassed about it.
And don't flatter yourself that you have ( despite your obvious high intelligence, and I mean that ) such superhuman levels of sly inbtelligence that you are some sort of profound demonic narcissist who brilliantly counterfeits a different identity and projects it all onto others. Were you a card-carying narcissist, you would not have tolerated having such other narcissists in your life

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