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Question
Posted by: Just me | 2012/09/10

Narcissistic Personality disorder

We are having alot of problems in our marriage due to affairs on my husbands side, lying about it, lying about other stuff (and believe me he does it sounds like " real" , manupilative behaviour, never take responsibility for his actions, wrong financial decisions, me not giving enough attention to him etc etc, of which I thought are due to the fact I''m not a good wife to him. (this is both our 2nd marriage). I''ve just find out that he present the same behaviour in his first marriage (also got a problem of alcohol abuse). My family don''t want to believe me when I told them about the affairs and some other behaviour, they love him very much and see him as somebody that loves to spoiling people, but it''s not always the same person at hom. He''s got wonderful attributes and that''s what actually attracked me in the beginning to him. A gentle, genuine person. I did some " research"  is there a posiblity that he might suffer from a personality disorder? And what I''ve read, most of the symptoms belong to the Narcissistic Personality disorder. I''ve he don''t believe he''s got a " problem" , how am I going to cope, what are the prognoses in cases like this, when you married to somebody like " this" ? I don''t know what to do? Where to I go for help or assistance? He''s in his fifties.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Within a supposedly committed relationship, let alone a marriage, of course affairs are unacceptable, as is lying about them.
Whenever one starts a potential relationship with someone who has been married before, its important to explore and find out why their previous relationship ended. Sure, he might have a personality disorder, whether an easily definable type or a more non-specific form. But they're not an excuse for behaving badly within a relationship.
If he doesn't acknowledge that these are real problems and that he needs to change them, with proper help, then he WILL not change. Only if he faces facts, and genuinely wants to change, can therapy perhaps help him to change. ALso, change when one is in one's fifties or older, is unlikely. You cant do the changing for him

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/10

Within a supposedly committed relationship, let alone a marriage, of course affairs are unacceptable, as is lying about them.
Whenever one starts a potential relationship with someone who has been married before, its important to explore and find out why their previous relationship ended. Sure, he might have a personality disorder, whether an easily definable type or a more non-specific form. But they're not an excuse for behaving badly within a relationship.
If he doesn't acknowledge that these are real problems and that he needs to change them, with proper help, then he WILL not change. Only if he faces facts, and genuinely wants to change, can therapy perhaps help him to change. ALso, change when one is in one's fifties or older, is unlikely. You cant do the changing for him

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