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Question
Posted by: Amy | 2010/05/14

Narcissist?

Me again. Thanks for the reply. I am now wondering whether I was wrong in sending him an sms about the camping trip before saying good morning? He says I don''t like it when he doesn''t answer when I''m expecting an answer. But I sent the sms the night before and only responded at about 9am the next morning. This is what happens all the time. I start doubting myself and wondering if I AM the one in the wrong. Sorry for going on about this but I need to know if perhaps I,m the one at fault?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

HMmm, it sounds rather pernickety to get in a fluff just because someone sent a message before you'd said Good Morning. But this sort of conflict is rarely about the ostensible issue, and more about the irritation within the relationship itself. And Fault isn't the most useful concept here - both of you acted in such a way as to lead to conflict, and are still concentrating on the details of the event itself rather than on the relationship.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Racoon | 2010/05/17

Sorry Amy, but get out of this relationship. It will not get better. If you''ve been reading up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder then you would also know that its not possible to have a good relationship with such a person. You are still young at 45 and deserve much better. You have at least another 20 to 30 years in which you can be happy in a fulfilling relationship. Don''t short-change yourself!!

Reply to Racoon
Posted by: Amy | 2010/05/14

Hi H. I think my message didn''t make sense. I sent him an sms at about 8.30pm about the camping. I waited the whole night and until 8.30am the following morning for a reply which I didn''t get. I then smsed and said " Is that a no then?"  to which he replied he was waiting for a good morning.

But you are right - I must leave him. I''ve known for a long time now what I need to do but I guess at my age I''m starting to think that maybe I''m not going to meet Mr.Right so I think I''m just hanging on. I seem to just put up with more and more verbal abuse from this man. It would take me days to list all the abuse. So what am I waiting for?

Reply to Amy
Posted by: H | 2010/05/14

what''s wrong with sending an sms about camping without saying hello.

and you are not listening, you were just told that looking at this person''s behaviour in general must make you back off, so leave the -|- er, he is always belitteling you.

Reply to H
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/14

HMmm, it sounds rather pernickety to get in a fluff just because someone sent a message before you'd said Good Morning. But this sort of conflict is rarely about the ostensible issue, and more about the irritation within the relationship itself. And Fault isn't the most useful concept here - both of you acted in such a way as to lead to conflict, and are still concentrating on the details of the event itself rather than on the relationship.

Reply to cybershrink

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