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Question
Posted by: Naomi | 2008-12-04

My world is tumbling down

Hi CS,I spoke to you about my issue with my mother in law and thank you for your advice.Nothing seems to be going right in my life,and I don' t know how to fix it.First is the issue with my husband and his siblings,I approached him,and he is not ready to talk to me,I say so cos every attempt of mine to talk about this ends up with insults being hurled at me,leaving me with more hurt and pain in my heart.We moved to JHB together this year and all my friends stayed behind,he has family and friends here,meaning everytime he needs time to cool off or relax,he has someone to talk to,I haven' t made friends yet,and my family is based far from here,I only talk to them on the phone every now and again,but I' m going to see them tomorrow,my sister is sick,and has been for a while now,even though they had told me she was sick,they didn'  t tell me how bad she was,the news of the seriousness of her illness only reached me 2 weeks ago,I have been trying to be strong,but honestly I feel like I can' t take anymore.Ive just started a new job that I enjoy,but cannot be hapy cos of my personal life,About 2 weeks back,I did something very iresponsible,my husband and I were supposed to attend his year end function together,and I instead chose to go have drinks with a friend that I hadn' t seen since we moved,he saw this as me rejecting him and choosing my friend over him,I hoped he would be more understanding,but has been punishing me since,I apoligised to him for it,and tried to explain that I went to see my friend because I hadn' t seen her in a long time,and was lonely around JHB cos everytime he goes out,he asks me to stay behind because,he' ll be chilling with his boys,I get bored watching tv all the time.In the last 2 weeks,we' ve had sex once,and this morning he told me I should fix this problem cos he cannot fix it for me,I don' t know how to fix it.I approached him about moving out,since there was a bit of tension because of the matter with his siblings,he said I shouldn' t move,in all honesty I don' t want to move either.In the last week I' ve been crying myself to sleep everynight after talking to my sister on the phone,and he made a comment that " I should go seek support from my friend,as they seem to be more important to me" .Yesterday I sent an e mail telling him my sister was getting worse,his reply was," Is your mother going to give you money to come home?"  When I first told him about my sister,which was on the day we had a fight about me having gone to meet my girlfriend,He said to me to tell my friend to support me,cos he wasn' t going to.I thought he said it just out of anger,but he clearly meant it.He is not a bad person,and I am not all good,I make mistakes too.I don' t have anyone else to talk

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Twell him this is a problem between the pair of you and can only be fixed by both of you, not one. And if he still refuses, see a counsellor for yourself. There's nothing we can say which will fix this, only work with a counsellor can devise a solution if one is possible

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Eishh | 2008-12-04

Accrding to my understanding...this man does not love or cherish u.Why are u still with him while he is treating u like this?Ur sister is sick and he is not being supportive.

True love does not hurt my love...it does not keep the record of wrong doings.This man does not deserve u....if I were u I would move out,stay on my own and make new friends who would care more that he does.

Good luck anyway!!

Reply to Eishh
Posted by: eish | 2008-12-04

i wish i could say leave the bloody basturb gut its not that easy when you have been with a person for a long time. if a person love you really, and u mvd to a place where he knows very well you do not know anyone, it should be his responsibility to make sure that he takes you with wherevr he goas so that you can meet peple and make friends. his attitude is really bad toward you and it sounds to me like he doesnt really care about u anymore.its like you are an irritation to him. remember the first time you met. how he was always there and making sure that your ok?well it seem like that has changed and i cant help but wonder fi he leaves you alone at home and claiming to have gone with his friends, isnt there a lady involved?for your sake i hope not. he really treats u like you are nothing to him and i dont believe that is how you wawnt or deserve to be treated. you are worth much more than he is giving you. and it seems like you have stopped loving yourself anf started to love him more.girl, it is impossible to love someone else more than yourself. and the funny thing is when someone see that u love them mre than u love urself the start treating you like shit. which is waht i think your husband is doing. you need to stand up for yourslf, you cant cry yoursefl to sleep every nyt bcz of another person, no that is very wrong...stand up and go to councelling, even uf you go on your own just to sort yourself out, get your confidence back and forget about this man. no person should deserve to be loved if he treats others like the way he treats you. it brakes my heart to seee woman living their lives for their man.you have to live for you and stop beeing scare of how life wld be without him.if its crap living with him, it will be better without him coz he is not briging anything of value to your life. he is just putting you down and treating you lk yor nothing. i can go on all day about this but the decision ends with you. get up and fight for your life. you deserve better.

Reply to eish
Posted by: nozi | 2008-12-04

when are you or both of you going for councilling, that is what you need, your life seems gloomier. nothing we can say or do will help you, when you go for councilling they will help you see what is right for you.
your husband seems selfish, you moving away from all family and friends and he going out with the boys and leaving you alone.
go dear for councilling it will make you stronger and decide what it is your wanting.
God bless

Reply to nozi

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